Call of the Void
by FallenAngelLove
Summary: Tara cannot handle the order, the structure or the brutal honestly anymore. She wants to be free, so she chooses Dauntless. She doesn't expect it to be easy, but she also doesn't expect her chest to do that weird thing whenever his cold gray eyes meet hers. Just because he acts heartless, doesn't mean she can't see the truth. Eric/OC. In between year, eventually M, somewhat slow.
1. Choose

Authors Note: Well, Howdy. I absolutely fell in love with Eric after seeing the Divergent movie, and when I read the books afterwards, I was insanely curious about him as a character. Then my mind went wild, and I had to write this. It's set in the 'in between year', and will eventually be an Eric/OC, but not very quickly... or maybe it will be quick, I don't know. I don't know when it will end, or if I'll include the War, but if it gets long enough, I'll definitely include Tris as well. I'm not going to change Eric much, I think he should be Cruel and Angry and Scary, but I'm going to try to show another side of him also. I dunno. We'll see what happens. Mostly I just want an Eric and this is as close as I'll ever get most likely.  
So welcome, I hope you enjoy, and if you want to let me know what you think, leave a review :)  
Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer : I don't own Divergent, and I won't be making any money off this... but if someone gave me an Eric, I wouldn't say no ;)

* * *

**All my bags are packed,  
I'm ready to go,  
I'm standing here,  
Outside your door,  
I hate to wake you up to say Goodbye.**

**-John Denver, 'Leaving on a Jetplane'.**

It's funny how even when you're comfortable and happy and content with your life, you can still want more. You are willing to risk your happiness for adventure, to risk comfort just so you aren't bored. But, I suppose that risk is a part of being Dauntless.

For some reason just the word Dauntless makes me feel free. My parents apartment isn't small, but it's small enough to make me feel cooped up and caged. Between the twins and my father, it's not easy to get attention from my mother, who spends almost all day at the childcare centre where she works, and all night helping my father review the cases he's working on. She used to be a lawyer before me, but once she saw how understaffed the childcare centre was, she couldn't ignore it.

My mother is quite stunning if you look at her for long enough. All of her features are in perfect proportion, and there is always a shine in her alert brown eyes that proves that she is truly happy with the life she has chosen. Her hair, like mine, is a soft, light brown, mostly straight, and she keeps it cropped nice and short in a bob. She let me keep mine long though, but insists that I wear it braided. "Discipline and order, Tara, are very important for our lives. Discipline, order and honesty" she used to tell me every time I complained about wanting to just throw it up.

I wish I had inherited her love of order. What I had inherited was almost the exact same features, except that my eyes are green like my fathers and my lips aren't as bowed as hers are.

Instead I got a rather odd sense of humour and a love of all things fast from my father.

As my mother calls me to dinner, I try to take in every small detail of the apartment; this will be the last time I eat dinner here. I have already decided to leave.  
It's not that I hate the Candor way of life, I like the way we value honesty over everything else. Order and discipline and honesty and equality. I like all of it... just not enough to stay. There are too many rules, too much honesty, too much structure and order. So when the Abnegation volunteer told me that my results were Dauntless after the test today, I knew this was my one chance to really be free.

And I think my father already knows that I am going, because when I sit down at the dinner table, he looks at me with eyes the same as mine; we are saying goodbye.

My mother misses this; she is too busy making the twins wash their hands. My father sets the table, and once my mother and two younger brothers sit down, we begin to eat. My father and I eat in silence, letting the two boys, Thomas and Andrew, tell us all about their day at school. They are only twelve, so they weren't allowed to see us go through the tests, and instead spent all day in classes. They do make me laugh though, with their twelve year old problems, and my father chuckles too.

"And how was work today, darling?" the two boys quiet immediately, they are obsessed with dad's stories about work; they both want to be lawyers just like him. My father is very good at telling stories, probably because he is so expressive and so alive.

My heart aches a little at the thought that I will never hear one of his stories ever again.

Once his story about his triumphant win today is finished, we all clap, and we clear the table and the twins go off to complete their homework. My father requests that I come sit with him and my mother in the living room. As I sit down, I notice that my mother looks wary and unsure, while my father looks resigned.

"I just want you to know that, no matter what you choose tomorrow, we will always love you. You will always be right here," and he motions to his heart, "and we will always, _always_ love you" He definitely knows. My mother sighs wearily, and she nods.

"You'll always be my baby girl, my beautiful baby girl, and we are so proud of you" My father stands, kisses me on the forehead and holds my chin gently in his hand for a moment, before going to his bedroom, my mother soon following. I move to the bathroom, and shower quickly, before sliding in to bed; I will not allow myself to cry.

* * *

When we arrive at the choosing ceremony, my parents quickly say goodbye, before moving over to the Candor seats, and I move into line, ending up slightly towards the front, picking at the collar of my white sleeveless shirt. With a name like Tara Richards, I'm more used to being up the back, and being so close to the front makes me nervous, so I stare at my white slip ons, and take in the contrast of my black business pants. Only eleven other kids are in front of me, this will be over too quickly. Soon all of the chairs are full, and Jack Kang, our current representative, moves at the front, quieting the crowd almost instantly. Last year it was Erudite's responsibility to make the speech, and next year it will be Abnegation's. As he starts his speech about the history of the choosing ceremony, I look over to my parents, and while my mother is paying attention, my father is staring straight at me, and when our eyes meet, he smiles at me encouragingly, and I smile back, somewhat watery. He doesn't turn away until Jack calls the first name, and I am glad for his support.

The first child, Aaron Zammid, is from Erudite, and he chooses to stay Erudite. The first transfer is Jennifer Winters, from Abnegation, into Amity. Four names later, and I am stepping up to the bowls, cutting my hand, hesitating briefly, and then letting the drop of blood fall onto the hot coals, sizzling as it hits. The Dauntless burst into cheers; Candor and Dauntless have a good relationship, so it's not surprising. I move over to the other Dauntless initiates, there are two so far, and we stand just behind the Dauntless seats. The rest of the ceremony is a blur, and before I know it, the Dauntless initiates are surging forward, and I am following them. We run down the stairs, the noise is deafening as we all holler and laugh and stomp, and then we spill out onto the street, rushing towards the trains, and then they are climbing up, and so I am.

There is a brief moment where we are standing still, and a girl dressed in a blue shirt and white jeans turns to me and smiles nervously, before opening her mouth "Are you scared?"

"I don't think scared is the right word... I think I'm nervous, but also very excited. I'm Tara, by the way" We shake hands.

"Imogen. Perhaps nervous is the best word, but yes, definitely excited"

And then the Dauntless born initiates are running, and the train is coming so we run too, and we throw ourselves into the train, landing heavily. I stick my head out the door and watch as we leave an Erudite boy behind, too slow to catch up. As I shuffle out of the way, back towards Imogen, a Candor boy, who I know to be James, moves over to us, introducing himself to Imogen and nodding at me in greeting. We sit in the back corner together, and discuss what we know of the initiation process.

"I don't really mind much, as long as they don't care about how smart we are" Imogen grins, and I take a moment to look at her. She is slightly shorter than me, with blonde hair that has started to fall out of the tight bun it was in, big blue eyes and a petite nose. Her teeth are straight and white and her lips are full and pink; I decide that she is beautiful.

"Is that why you left Erudite? Because you weren't smart enough?" James asks, and I wince a little at his abruptness, but Imogen just laughs.

"Did you leave Candor because you weren't honest enough?" she throws back quickly with a grin, "Honestly, it was part of it. I was tired of being told to study harder and focus more and be more. I want to do something a little more exciting than stare at a computer all day, you know? I want to run and be free and do something dangerous with my life" As she shrugs, I chuckle.

"What, like launch yourself into a moving train?" James grins, and Imogen laughs a little bit.

"Yeah, something like that. Or maybe throwing myself out of one? Who knows?" Now it's my turn to laugh. And then someone is yelling "They're jumping!" and we're on our feet, shoving our heads out the door, watching the black clad figures throwing themselves out the doors and onto a roof. I want to puke. "I think I jinxed us" Imogen whispers, and out of the corner of my eye I see her shrink a little.

"Come on, Imogen, we're going to jump, and we're going to land of that roof and then we're going to absolutely dominate at the initiation" I make myself sound more steady than I am, before nodding to myself and allowing some room for a run up. Imogen and James follow me, and then we're throwing ourselves out of a perfectly good train and I hear Imogen scream, and we're hitting the ground. I roll once, twice, then come to a stop, and pull myself into a sitting position, finding Imogen and James close behind me, Imogen already getting up. She helps James and then myself get up, and we move towards some older black clad figures, standing near the edge of the roof. The oldest of them, a man with deep creases in his skin and gray starting to splatter into the hair near his temples, is standing on the actual edge, completely comfortable with his position.

"Come on, gather round. My name is Max, I'm one of the leaders of your new faction. Several stories down is the entrance to Dauntless. As a treat, and to prove you belong here, you'll be jumping. Who's going first?"

There is silence, then a curious voice comes from the middle of crowd, "Is there something down there to catch us?" Max grins, before shrugging.  
"I dunno, you'll have to jump and find out"

Suddenly I can't take it anymore; the silence, or the suspense, I'm not sure, but I can't stand here anymore. So I move forward, Imogen squeaks behind me, but I don't look back. This time, I don't allow myself a moment of hesitation, I step quickly up to the ledge and then step off without a pause; pretending I was stepping up stairs.

I scream the entire way down.

And then I've landed on something hard and for a moment I think it's ground and that I'm dying, but then it gives way and I am alive again and I breathe heavily. A watery chuckle escapes me and then hands are reaching towards me to help me down, and I've grabbed two and I'm hauled off, helped down by a young man, barely older than me, and there a girl behind him with dark hair and three rings in her eyebrow, and she's grinning. The man asks something, but I'm still a little shocked at jumping off the roof, so I don't really hear him.

"What?" I must have a look on my face, because the girl cracks up, and the boy grins.

"What's your name?" He asks again, slower this time.

"Oh, right, it's Tara"

"First Jumper - Tara" He yells out behind him. There is a cheer, and I notice that there is a bit of a crowd behind us, and they are pumping their fists and catcalling, and I grin at them.

"I'm Lauren, and that's Four" the girl with the eyebrow rings says, and she guides me away as another initiate jumps down, screaming much like me; the crowd laughs but resumes cheering. I look over my shoulder as James if helped off the net, and stay with Lauren on the sidelines, joined by James and then Imogen, then a Dauntless born and then the rest. Once we are all on the ground, Lauren and Four set off down a very dark tunnel, with lights only set up every now and then. Once we reach the end, we split off and the eleven Dauntless-born initiates follow Lauren, whilst four collects the eight transfers around.

"My name is Four, and for the next few weeks, I'll be your instructor. We're going to head by The Pit, then past the Chasm, and then you're going to get fed. Understand?" and then he's leading us further into our new home.


	2. Prove

Authors Note: Hello again! I hope you're enjoying this! Hopefully I get a bit better as we get deeper into the story :)  
I'm going to be using the Eric from the movies, because Jai Courtney really made Eric kind of perfect for me. This Chapter does get a little corny, but I was it to be established that Eric is very, very cold. and that's just how he is, you know?  
Anyway, thank you for reading ^_^

Disclaimer : Still don't own Eric, nor do I make profits off this story. Damn it.

* * *

**Does your imagination try to make you what you wanted to be?  
Because I'm sorry I do what I did, but it came naturally  
And I gave it all away just so I could say that  
Well I know I know I know I know that you're gonna be OK anyway.**

**- Haim, 'The Wire'**

We were welcomed into the dining hall with a loud roar of cheering and stomping, and as we moved around, people clapped us on the shoulders and grinned at us, yells of "Welcome to Dauntless!", "You picked the best, initiate" and "Congratulations" were common, as well as some cries of "Only one stiff?", "Four smart mouths!", "three nose's!" and "I don't believe it! An Amity!".

One of my favourite things about Dauntless is the diversity of the people, the way everyone looks so different. There were flashes of different coloured hair everywhere, a lot of metal on faces and in ears, and more ink than anyone could register. Imogen grinned eagerly at my enthusiasm, and we moved to a table with spare seats, James following behind us, looking more than a little overwhelmed. I loaded up my plate and dug in, suddenly starving. We were soon joined by Lauren, who grinned at us and filled us in on a couple of things.

"Four only transferred in last year, but he did really well in training, and then Amar, our old instructor died, and Four kind of got pushed into it. Normally he's in the control room, he likes it there... a little too much, if you ask me," she winked at us and we giggled a bit, "Then there's Max, he's one of our five leaders, but you met him before. He's kind of a hard arse, but he's also a really good leader. He pushes us really hard so that we can be the best" she was going through the people sitting at the leadership table, and I had seen all five of them up the top, but I only took notice of them now. Of the five, two are women, then there's Max, who looks the oldest of the five, and then two other men.

"Who's the young one sitting next to Four? He looks a little young to be a leader" it is James who speaks up, and Lauren quickly glances over her shoulder before rolling her eyes.

"_That_ is Eric, and he is actually a leader. He is a total hard arse, he will push you until you break. He also transferred in last year, and so yeah, he's young, but age doesn't really matter around here. You'll meet him soon, he's supposed to take you to your room and lay down some ground rules, or at least, that's what I think is happening" I watch the six people interact, and Max seems to be talking to Four when Four clenches his jaw, barks something back and then walks away, leaving the room. Max seems to laugh it off, but Eric just raises an eyebrow in Four's direction, before letting his eyes wander through the room. When his eyes get to my table, I quickly avert my eyes so that I'm looking at the next table, and I feel his eyes stop on me briefly before quickly flitting away. I turn back around and eat the rest of my dinner in silence.

"You know, if he didn't look like he was so cold, I'd say he was handsome" Imogen piped up, and I glanced at her before looking to Lauren, trying to gauge her reaction.

She just burst into laughter, "Just wait, just wait sweetie," she paused to laugh a little bit, "He's hot yeah, but he's pretty much made of ice" Lauren laughed a little longer, chuckling even as she ate. Imogen blushed a bit, before frowning and then returning to her food. Lauren then continued to fill us in about the leaders.

Not long after she had finished, Eric summoned all the transfer initiates to the entrance of the dining hall, and then guided us down a couple of new halls until he got to a wooden door and stopped in front of it. "My name is Eric, and I am one of the five leaders here. Because we take training so seriously around here, a leader always volunteers to watch over it, and this year, that'll be me. So get used to seeing me around," He grinned viciously, and suddenly I could see what Lauren was saying. From the gray eyes, to the extremely neat haircut, right down to the perfectly organized tattoos, Eric was pristine and almost sculpted, but when he grinned like that, it was clear that he was sculpted out of ice; that man was _cold_. "Some basic ground rules for you, before I let you sleep. Training starts at eight every morning and finishes at six, which a break for lunch in between. Once training is finished, you are free to do as you please. You are not permitted to leave the compound unless you are supervised by a full member," He then opens the door behind him and steps into the room, "This is the room you will be sleeping in until training is complete. There are ten beds, as we expected more transfers than we got. It is shared, as is the bathroom," here one of the Candor boys, whose name I think is Phillip, is about to interrupt, but Eric turns on him and cuts him off, "Yes, you'll be sleeping in the same room as girls. Deal with it," Phillip shrinks back a bit, "For the first stage of initiation, you will be kept separate from the Dauntless born initiates. However, you will all be ranked together, and since-" This time it's an Erudite girl who speaks up and interrupts Eric, and she isn't backing down.

"Ranked? What do you mean ranked?"

Eric grins again, but it's not inviting at all, and it's even colder than before, but the Erudite's curiosity is obviously stronger than her fear, so she doesn't shrink back, "There are two reasons for the ranking. The first being that it determines the order of which you'll choose your job post initiation," this makes me excited - what job will I pick? What will my future be? "and there aren't a lot of desirable positions, so you'll want to be higher up if you're fussy. The second reason being that only the top ten initiates will be allowed full membership"

"What?!" several of us cry out, myself included.

"Yes, nine of you will not be allowed to stay. You'll have to leave and become factionless. We'll cut four of you at the end of stage one, and the others will be cut at the end"

"That is bullshit," Curious Erudite is now cranky, and she's glaring at Eric "We should have been-"

"What? Warned? Told?" Eric scoffs at her, "If you don't like the rules then leave. If the fear of failure is that overwhelming, then you don't belong here" He glides on to the door, leaving us all behind, but he pauses briefly, turning around and staring at the loudmouth Erudite, "You chose us," and then his eyes shift to mine and my chest seizes up and it feels like I can't breathe, "Now we have to choose you" And then he's gone and the door is closed behind him.

I release the breath I was holding, clutching at my chest; what the hell was that. Imogen looks terrified, so I wrap my arms around her. "It's okay little Immy, we're going to dominate this, remember?"

* * *

I wait until everyone is asleep before showering, and even then I make it as quick as possible, but when I curl back into bed, it's clear that at least two others are still awake; and they are crying. My heart clenches a bit at the thought of home, but I do not allow myself to cry now either. They accepted my choice, and they still love me. I will see them in a week or so, on Visiting day. I do not allow myself to cry about the fact that I may be cut, and have to live factionless, either. It simply means that I will have to work hard to be the best.

And in order to be the best, I need to get some sleep.

Morning comes all too quickly however, and even then, I'm not the first one awake. Sometime earlier this morning, a set of clothing that seems to fit, was left on everyone's bed. So I change into the black tank top and soft black cloth pants. Gym clothes, I realize quickly. Four enters the room at 7:30 to wake us all up, and once we're all ready, he guides us to the training room.

"I'm not your babysitter, so remember the way to the training room because you'll be getting yourself here for the rest of initiation" One we are all collected together in the room, Four starts again, " Initiation is separated into three parts. The first part is physical, you will learn to handle a range of weapons and learn to fight. The second part is emotional, and the third is mental. These are all to prepare you for life as a Dauntless member. We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear" He moves over to a table where there are guns set out; one for each of us. "This morning you will learn how to fire a gun. Everybody pick one, and move to a target," once we're all set up at a target, he moves to the spare one in the middle, takes a position and fires the gun at the target, hitting it dead centre.

The noise that emits from the gun shocks me quite a bit, and I look down at the cool metal gun that I'm holding in my own hands, wondering if it would make the same horrible noise. Then I feel a bit stupid because it's the same one that Four is holding so of course it will.

"Start practising" Four calls out, moving away so that he can watch us all. The curious Erudite girl, whose name I learn from Imogen is Natalia, is the first to fire, and she squeaks a bit at the recoil that throws her shot way off. Four then shows us all the proper position to have, and then more of us start trying, and James is the first to actually hit the target, even if it just skims the side.

My first shot is way off, the recoil is horrible and the noise makes me jump. So I take a deep breath and try again, being careful to take the recoil into consideration before firing again, this time hitting the board just behind the target, making me grin.

"What are you grinning at, initiate?"Eric voice comes from right next to my ear and my next shot goes way off. I spin around and pull my finger off the trigger, lowering my weapon. Eric is grinning again, and I feel a shiver run down my spine.

"I was grinning because I had improved. You know, small victories and so on" I tell him, refusing to be intimidated. Eric seems to take this and nods a bit, pursing his lips, and his eyebrow piercing glinting a little bit as he raises an eyebrow.

"Interesting theory. You have two shots to hit the target. Then we'll celebrate your victory. Go" He put his hands on my shoulder and spins me around. His hands send goose bumps down my arms, and my hair stands on end, and yet again, my chest contracts and I can't breathe. Then his hands are gone and I breathe freely again. I take position, and notice that suddenly everyone is watching me; Imogen is even offering me a supportive nod. I take aim and fire, hitting the board behind the target again, a little closer this time. "One more chance" Eric says from behind me and I ignore his triumphant voice; I have to get this or he wins and I will _not_ let him win this.

So I focus hard on my breathing, and then aim again. I pull the trigger, and to my surprise, find a hole in the middle of the targets head. I grin and let loose a small, relieved laugh. Imogen whoops and claps, as does James and Phillip. I turn to face Eric, to find him looking somewhat surprised.

He claps twice, "Well, well, colour me impressed, first jumper. Well done. Maybe you will survive initiation" then he nods once to Four and leaves the room.  
I try not to think about it, but I swear his eyes had a little bit of blue in them.

* * *

At lunch, Phillip joins James, Immy and myself, and we all laugh about how our arms are still vibrating. "I swear that target kept getting smaller!" Imogen cries, before shoving the rest of the banana into her mouth, and Phillip just laughs, but James nods in agreement.

"I know! And the more I fired, the worse my aim got!" Imogen nods in agreement, and I turn back to my mashed potato, smiling when Lauren joins us again.  
"You know, if you keep sitting with us, they're gonna call it favouritism" I point out to her, and she grins at me.

"I'm not training you. And besides, I tend to like the first jumpers, we tend to be more alike," She winks at me and steals a forkful of mash, "And they have good taste in friends" she then winks at Phillip, who's face immediately turns bright red, and James and I almost spit out our food as we burst into laughter. "I also heard that you impressed Eric today, is that true?"

"She totally showed him up!" Phillip supplies for me, before meeting eyes with Lauren and blushing again and returning to his food.

"I don't know if he was actually impressed... I think he more surprised. I think he only did it because he thought that I'd fail while everyone was watching" I tell Lauren, revealing my theory that I had been stewing on whilst we were still practicing.

Lauren nods, "That's the kind of thing Eric does. He pushes people just to see if they break. Normally, they do, so good work. He will be watching you now though, because he'll be expecting good things from you" obviously I look nervous, because Lauren is quick to reassure me, "Don't worry though, I'm sure you can live up to the expectation. You are first jumper after all"

* * *

**_Authors Note: Tell me what you think!_**


	3. Fight

Authors Note: Hello again! Thank you to everyone who had followed, favourited and reviewed! You're all wonderful! Thank you for giving this a chance! I'm very excited for what is coming up, a little more depth to Eric, which I love, and a little more fun for Tara, who I'm loving also.  
Enjoy, and have a wonderful day,  
Jay

Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent, nor Eric, and I promise I won't make any money from this story.

* * *

**What a game to play,  
To make me feel this way.  
What a wicked thing to do,  
To let me dream of you.**

**- Chris Isaak, 'Wicked Game'.**

Four takes us back to the training room before I can properly finish my lunch, but once he explains that we're going to be learning how to fight, I don't mind too much; my stomach feels weak enough as it is. He runs through a few punches, and then a few kicks before letting us choose either a punching bag or to partner up to practice. Imogen and I partner up, with James and Phillip working next to us, and we slowly go through some of the things Four showed us together. Then we eventually try it a little faster. Four occasionally came up to correct one of us, with all three of the others paying close attention. It was difficult to get our bodies used to this different style of movement, and by the time six o'clock rolled around and Four released us, I had found muscles I didn't know that I had.

"I think I might die" I told the other three once Four was out of hearing distance. They all agreed with grunts and we shuffled to the dining hall, the two boys scoffing down food, while Imogen and I barely picked at our plates.

"You should really eat more, you two," Four scolded us lightly as he stalks past, "You need to eat to build muscle and replace what you just burned up" I shrugged and took a couple more bites, while Imogen just rested her head on the table. Once the boys were done, we all shambled back to our beds, but Imogen stopped us before we could fall into our beds.

"We need to stretch, release all the tension from our bodies... we should get everyone to do it, if we can" she looks a little nervous at the idea of talking to the other initiates, even though there are two other fellow Erudite's that I am sure she knew, at least in passing. So James just shrugs, and calls out to all the others.

"Hey, little genius over here thinks we should stretch before going to bed. Release the tension and stuff. If you want to join us, please feel free to do so" The Amity boy, who has huge shoulders and is over six foot tall, looks a little unsure but approaches us anyway. He introduces himself as Simon, and falls into line next to James, who is watching Imogen intently. None of the other initiates take much notice of us. Imogen leads us through a few stretches and then we repeat the process. For all that it is uncomfortable, once we finish my body does feel a bit less sore. Simon thanks us quietly before moving back to his bunk and slipping in, covering himself with the blanket.

"I don't think he's very happy here... I saw him crying last night" Imogen whispers to us once we're all in bed; Phillip has moved so that his bed is closer to us now.

"He hasn't really being trying to make any friends, though. So... maybe we should help him out?" Phillip offers, and I am surprised by this new side of him. I hadn't paid much attention to the boys at school, mostly trying to focus on studying, but I had never seen Phillip be particularly friendly to anyone. However, I may just have not been paying enough attention.

"That's very sweet of you Phillip, maybe Lauren will be impressed" James says in a high pitched voice, before bursting into a fit of laughter. Phillip burns bright red, and Imogen grins before rolling over and closing her eyes; I follow her example. The boys talk for a bit longer, but I quickly fade it out, falling into dreams.

I dream of home, playing with the twins, listening to my father's stories, having my mother braid my hair and honesty; always honesty. When I am jolted awake in the morning, I accept that I may be homesick. Imogen is standing over my bed, nervously biting her lip. I rub my face, quickly removing any traces of tears, and rub my bleary eyes. "What's up little Immy?" I sit up and tousle my hair; I really need a shower.

"Can you hold a towel up while I shower? I'll do the same for you" She looks so hopeful and small that I cannot do anything but say yes.

But there's an ache in my chest for home that doesn't seem to budge.

I fight the desire to stay in bed, and pick up my towel. Everyone else is still asleep, so it must be fairly early, and we shuffle to the showers, and I hold up the towel while Imogen showers, and then we swap places once she's changed. I let a few tears slip out whilst I'm under the warm spray of the shower; I don't want anyone to think that I'm weak. So once the five minutes of water is up, I wrap myself up in the towel that Immy was using to cover me, and grin at her before getting changed quickly. By the time we get back to the beds, people seem to be waking up. James and Phillip are just finishing getting dressed, so we head down to breakfast together, waking up Simon on our way out.

I let the others do the talking through breakfast, content just to focus on eating and letting James make all the jokes. Lauren doesn't join us this morning, and once we're all done with breakfast, we make our way to the training room. We aren't the first to arrive, nor are we the last, which makes us pretty happy.

What doesn't make us happy is the board that is standing in the room, with all of our names matched up. "The names match up with who you are going to fight today. You will fight until someone cannot continue, or we declare a victory" Four announces from beside the board, and Eric moves into the room just as he's speaking. I am matched up with Natalia, and Imogen is matched up with Joseph, the other Candor boy, who separated from us fairly quickly. Phillip is paired with Simon and James is paired with Cody. Natalia is slightly shorter than me, but mostly we are evenly matched. Phillip is just shorter than Simon, and not quite as broad, but he should be quicker. I would feel confident in Phillip if he didn't look like he was going to puke. James looks confident, Cody is shorter than him by at least a head, and James is bulkier; Cody is small and lithe.

I was worried about Imogen. Joseph was a full head taller than her, and almost double her size. She looked like she might faint. "Today, Phillip and Simon, Tara and Natalia and James and Cody will fight, tomorrow Imogen and Joseph. You have half an hour to prepare, and then we will begin" Eric calls out to us, standing beside Four with his arms behind his back, looking pleased with himself. Four runs through a few more punches, and I make sure to pay full attention so I can practice them with Imogen to make sure she is prepared as possible.

We move away from the crowd, and James and I both practice with Imogen, James allowing her to use him as a target. "I am smaller, which means that I should be faster... I just have to get some power behind my punches and get in quickly... before he can hit me and kill me" She talks as she practices, mostly to herself I think, but James is very quick to reassure her that she won't die. Phillip is practicing on one of the punching bags near us, and as I move over to him, I ask him how he's doing.

"He looks just like my brother... he's a lot bigger and stuff, but he looks just like my younger brother" He tells me, looking at Simon. I didn't even know that he _had_ a brother, and that makes me feel a little bit guilty.

"You know, I have to twin brothers, both younger than me. I can't imagine having to hurt them, ever. I think you've just got to focus on the fact that you know that your brother is safe at home. You're not actually hurting your brother... it's just someone who's stolen his face" I pat him on the back comfortingly, and he smiles slightly, before nodding.

"Yeah... okay... it's just a face stealer, cool. Thanks Tara" He turns back to the punching bag, and the weight in my chest gets worse, and I really do miss my brothers. I return to Imogen, finding Four talking to her while James waits behind. I slide in next to James and we practice a few punches but mostly we're watching Four, who seems to be working with Imogen through some moves. I look over my shoulder and Eric is talking to Simon; Simon is trying to shrink himself. I roll my shoulders and continue practicing with James.

"Time!" yells Eric, a few minutes later, "Phillip, Simon, let's go", and the two boys step into the ring. Phillip moves into a defensive position, but Simon stands uneasily. "Go" Eric barks at them, and before anyone can blink, Phillip throws a punch at Simons face, and Simon takes a couple of steps back, before roaring and tackling Phillip to the ground, punching him repeatedly in the stomach and ribs, until Phillip groans. Simon seems to wake up as if from a dream and flings himself off of Phillip, somewhat in shock, and Phillip jumps to his feet, launching another two punches at Simon's face, before kicking him in the stomach. Simon falls back with an 'oof', and splatters to the ground. He then pukes over the side of the ring, and Eric makes a face.

"That's enough, Phillip wins" Four announces, and he crouches next to Simon, and speaks to him quietly, before guiding him out of the room.

"Next fight, Tara and Natalia" Eric calls out, and I am filled with dread; Four finished the last fight, when will Eric finish this one? I step into the ring, and Natalia smirks at me from the other side. I take a deep breath, and step into a defensive position, while Natalia slips into an offensive one.

"Go"

We circle each other, and she feints a few times, before clocking me right in the face with a left hook that leaves me stunned for a moment. I feel my cheek swelling, and rage surges inside of me; my father's voice is ringing inside my head. He would never lose a fight, especially not to some Erudite brown noser. So I surge forward and grab Natalia around the waist, landing several jabs to the stomach and ribs before she pushes me off and slams my face again with her fist, and blood spurts from my nose as I cry out in agony.

I do the first thing that comes to my head; I jab my palm up into her nose. Her nose breaks as well, and I feel a swell of pride swell inside of me. She is momentarily stunned, so I land another two punches to her face and she stumbles back, and falls down, her nose bleeding heavily now too. The blood starts to dribble into my mouth and I spit it out, while Natalia holds her hand to her nose.

"Finish her, initiate" Eric tells me from the side. I look at him briefly, about to question him, but before I can say anything, Natalia tackles me to the ground, slamming my head onto the floor. I cry out, but manage to roll us over and punch her once more in the face. For a moment she looks like she might puke, and then her eyes roll back into her head and her lids droop down. I stumble backwards and stare at her.

"Is she... dead?" I ask, unbelieving, and a little scared of myself. Eric barks out a laugh.

"She's just unconscious," Four tells me from the door, and he glares at Eric, "Would you possibly take both of them to the infirmary please? You can carry Natalia" Eric shrugs and steps forward, picking her up and moving towards the door. My hands are shaking, and as I stand, I realize that my legs are too. I don't look at anyone, slightly ashamed of my performance and rush after Eric as fast as I can. He doesn't slow down for me, so I have to keep up a fairly quick pace to match with his long gaits.

"You did well. I'm surprised yet again. Congratulations" He says eventually, and he looks at me from the corner of his eye.

It's all too much. The homesick feeling in my heart, the shaking of my hands, hands that just beat a girl unconscious, the throbbing in my face, the ache in my nose, and the weird feeling in my chest is back again. So I ignore him, hold my nose and try hard not to cry. He shrugs and continues the walk in silence, Natalia doesn't make a noise, nor does she stir, not even when we get to the infirmary. The nurse, a tall, thin woman with two lip piercings and a pink braid, grins when she sees us and Eric.

"You initiates are ruthless. I love it" Eric grins, and follows her to a bed. I am surprised by how gentle he is when he lowers Natalia onto the bed; it sparks a curiosity in me that I am quick to stomp out. Then the nurse guides me to a chair and I sit down. Eric stands behind her, his face thoughtful, and his eyes full of curiosity. "I'm going to have to set your nose, and then we can clean you up, okay?" She rolls a chair over and sits in front of me, places her hands on my nose and exhales before slamming my nose back into place, and I swallow the scream. She pushes a bucket in front of me just before I puke. I catch Eric looking impressed, until the nurse shoves the bucket at him, then he looks a little sick himself, but he holds the bucket anyway. She then grabs a wet cloth and starts to clean up my face a bit, before grinning, "You're a total mess. Good work" she finishes cleaning my face, and wipes my hands rather quickly before leaving to go tend to Natalia.

"It's around lunch time, so they'll probably all be in the dining hall. Go join them" Eric tells me once we exit the infirmary, but instead of joining me, he leaves me and goes down a hall that I don't think I've been down yet.

Once I find the dining hall, James, Imogen and Phillip all wave me over to their table and congratulate me on my win. I don't feel like I need congratulations, I feel like I need reprimanding, but I thank them instead, and eat in silence while they tell me about how James lost his fight to Cody. James doesn't seem to be too worried however, and laughs it off.

After lunch, we learn how to throw knives, and it takes a while before I am even hitting the board behind the target, which infuriates me to no end. Surprisingly, Imogen seems to be a natural at this and is hitting the target almost dead centre by the end on practice. We are all very insistent on how proud we are of her, and she glows under our praise.

* * *

Once everyone has fallen asleep, I get out of bed and leave the room, unable to sleep or stay still. I wander around to the pit, finding it surprisingly quiet, but not completely empty. So I move on, and find myself at The Chasm. The roaring water soothes me quite a bit, and makes me feel a little more in control, so I sit down on the ledge, my legs dangling over the side, one hand on the railing; just in case. The spray on my feet helps to make me feel a little more human.

"You going to secure your place as 'first jumper'?" a voice comes out from behind me, and I jump a little bit. Looking over my shoulder, I find Eric, and roll my shoulders before turning back around and trying to ignore him.

"No, I'm not going to jump. Hence my hand on the railing" I wave my hand a bit before securing it back onto the railing. I hear Eric take a few steps towards me, and then frown as he sits down next to me. I turn to look at him and find him already looking at me, curiosity lighting up his eyes.

My chest doesn't contract this time, but I do feel a little bit out of breath. His eyes definitely have some blue in them now, and I wonder why they change colors. He stares at me for a bit longer in silence before opening his mouth "So if you're not going to jump, why are you here, initiate?"

I find myself wondering why _he's_ here. What does he care if I jump or not? "I can't sleep. The water helps me feel a little more human, I think" My words seem to shock him a little bit, and then his face turns pensive.

"Do you... not feel human?" For the first time, his voice is unsure and unconfident. I surprise myself a little when I come to the conclusion that he sounds like a seventeen year old. I am staring at him now, and Imogen was right; he really is handsome when he isn't being so cold. For a brief moment, I question if this is a test, if Eric is appearing to be sincere just to see if I'm weak or not. I stare at him, studying his face and weighing up my options. Honesty is my first option, and my first choice, but it could make me appear foolish. Lying is not something I'm sure that I would be good at, so he may be able to see through it anyway, or... if he is sincere, he could be hurt by my dishonesty. Do I care if he gets hurt or not?

I decide to trust him.

"I beat a girl unconscious. I broke her nose, and beat her until she literally lost consciousness. Of course I don't feel human" Honesty seems to be the correct choice, as Eric studies me a bit more before nodding.

"I think I understand" and he genuinely does seem to be telling the truth.

"Do you ever feel like you aren't human?" my voice is quiet and gentle, leaving him room to not respond, to ignore my question, which does seem quite personal. But I simply cannot not ask it. My curiosity has made me brave. Eric looks away from me now, and stares at the water. Suddenly he moves, and is standing behind me; I have pushed too far.

"No" he says, but I can tell that he's lying; he's not looking at me, and he is cracking his knuckles. "You should get to bed, initiate. You'll need every bit of strength you can get" and he walks away before I can say anything. Whatever wall I had almost broken remains intact, and I do not doubt that there will be repercussions for this attempt to get to know him.

But my curiosity has made me brave to the point of stupidity, and now I know that Eric is a lot more like me than he would care to admit, and that makes him strangely and extremely interesting to me.

* * *

Authors Note: Finally! A little progress with Eric! Yay!


	4. Question

Authors Note: I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but I didn't want to push Eric too hard. As it is, I feel that he is a little bit OOC. I dunno. We'll see. I hope you guys enjoy it anyway, and thank you for following and reviewing and everything! You're all really lovely :)

Disclaimer: No. I suck. I don't own anything except some shoes and a couple of pants.

* * *

**Now I'm told that this is life,  
And pain is just a simple compromise,  
So we can get what we want out of it.  
Would someone care to classify, our broken hearts and twisted mind,  
So I can find, someone to rely on,  
And run to them, to them, full speed ahead.**

**-Paramore, 'Misguided Ghosts'.**

The morning is full of James and I worrying about Imogen, telling her to stretch a little more, to eat a little more, to be a little more optimistic. Reminding her that we believe in her. Phillip brings Simon over to our table, and we try our best to make him feel comfortable.

Eric is absent from breakfast. Imogen notices me scanning the room, but doesn't ask; just makes eye contact when I've finished scanning, to let me know that she knows I was looking for someone. No doubt she'll ask later, but hopefully the day will be eventful enough to distract her.

When we finally finish breakfast and head to the training room, Imogen is shaking. James and I immediately start working on the bags, working through some movements with Imogen, and she is already getting better. She's quick, and she's got the positions perfect, but there isn't much power behind her blows or kicks yet. Once everyone has arrived, Four calls Joseph and Imogen to the ring. Just as Imogen is stepping in, Eric slips in next to Four, calm as ever. I try to make eye contact, but he passes his eyes right over me, I am just another faceless initiate. Four doesn't acknowledge him, and tells Joseph and Immy to begin. Phillip and Simon both move over to stand with us.

Immy is careful to keep her distance, and hold a defensive position. Joseph doesn't even both to hold a position, he simply circles her. He surges forward suddenly, slamming his fist into her face; she cries out, but only falters for a moment before she is back in position. He throws himself forward again, and grabs a hold of her around the shoulders, slamming his fist up into her ribs and stomach.

Unexpectedly, he stops, groans, and sinks to his knees, his face screwed up in pain. Imogen is panting, and there is a small trickle of blood from the corner of her mouth, but she is still standing. Eric snickers from the sidelines, and when I turn to look at him, he's smirking cruelly, whilst Four is looking somewhat surprised. I look back to Joseph and notice why they're laughing; he is cupping his groin.

Imogen kneed him in the groin.

"Good thinking, Erudite, well done" Eric nods as he speaks and Four moves over to check over Joseph. Imogen grins at us and James, Phillip and I burst into cheers.

"Very good tactic, to find someone's weakness and exploit it. Good work, Imogen" Four's praise makes Imogen blush a bit, but she keeps grinning at us, so extremely proud of herself; but not nearly as proud as we are. Four quickly organizes us and brings the guns back out, and tells us to work on our target practice.

I wrap my arms around Imogen as soon as Four and Eric have moved away, laughing when James wraps his arms around both of us, and then Phillip follows suit. "We told you that you could do it, you little genius" I tell her once we've all unravelled ourselves. She is still grinning, and we continue to buzz around on cloud nine for the rest of the day.

* * *

The next day, Four takes us on a field trip to The Fence, and as we stare out at the Amity fields, I think about what life will be like if I pass initiation.

"Do you reckon we'll all stay friends?" Imogen asks, much to James' amusement.

"Of course, you little genius. We're going to need you to help with all the thinking stuff" He slips his arm around her shoulders and lightly touches her nose, which makes Imogen giggle. I burst into laughter at their ridiculousness.

"We'll all get rooms near each other," Phillip says, grinning eagerly, "and we'll all meet up after work and laugh about the 'good old days' and grow old together"

"It'll be brilliant" I add, unable to contain my excitement at the idea of creating a new sort of family. I'd have two new brother, maybe even three if Simon ever opens up, and Imogen can be my sister. We can spend all of our time together, and get into all sorts of trouble and do all kinds of crazy things together.

The future looks bright, and I am filled with hope.

As Four tells us we're going to move on, Phillip and I notice Simon staring out at the farms, and when he notices us staring, he quickly wipes away a few stray tears away, before ducking away quickly. Phillip and I exchange a look; we'll have to keep an eye on him.

* * *

We were doing a good job, making sure to keep Simon near us all the way back to the Dauntless compound -which I now think of as home, surprising myself- and both trying our best to make him laugh. We both fail miserably. He sits with us at dinner for a while, but finishes his meal quickly, and says a quiet farewell as he heads off to bed; Phillip makes sure to follow him. When James, Imogen and I have finished, we head back to the dorms to find only Joseph and Natalia, who both glare at us.

"I thought Simon said he was going to bed?" James' voice is slightly concerned, and Imogen chews her lip worriedly.

"I'll go look for them, probably just getting some extra training in or something" My voice is steady, even though my heart beats a little too fast in my chest. There is a dropping in my stomach; as if I know something bad is about to happen. I walk calmly to the door however, closing it gently behind me before sprinting towards the training room, finding it empty, which makes my heart beat even faster. I race to the dining hall, and then to the tattoo parlours and the shops.

It isn't until I'm standing in the middle of the Pit that I figure it out, and I sprint to the Chasm, only to find Phillip leaning over the railing, one hand wrapped around Simon's wrist as he hangs over the water, tears pouring down his face freely.

Phillip is the only thing keeping Simon from falling.

I am frozen, Phillips hands are slipping and he's letting go of the railing with his free hand to get a better hold. "Help me" Phillip screams, and I surge forward to help him.

But I am too late.

Simon slips, and Phillip pushes himself forward to try and catch him, but he's already too far over the edge, and they both go tumbling down. I try to worm through the railing, maybe I can still catch them? Someone is screaming, but I am too focussed on trying to find the boys to look who else has found us.

I am ripped away from the ledge, the screaming stops, and I am being yanked up to my feet. I cannot breathe, I cannot see through the tears. I fight back at the arms wrapped around me, throwing myself back to the ledge, and the screaming starts again.

It takes me a while to realize that I am the one screaming. I am screaming their names, screaming 'I have to help them' and 'they're right there'. This time the arms grab me gently, pull me back away from the ledge, and circle around me, one hand gently working through my hair, the other anchoring me to the owner. The screams have faded, being replaced by horrible, body wrenching sobs.

"What happened?!" I hear from somewhere behind me, and while I recognise the voice, it doesn't match a few at the moment.

"Two initiates jumped," that voice is Eric's, and he's impossibly close, "She tried to help, but they fell anyway. I'm going to take her somewhere quiet" His voice is solid and unwavering, almost concrete in my hysterical, slippery mind.

"I'll deal with this then" the other voice says with finality.

"Thank you, Max" And then Eric is picking me up, wrapping my legs around his waist while I continue to wail, clutching at his chest as if it were a lifeline. Eric walks away from the Chasm very quickly, and when he begins climbing stairs, my wailing quiets to silent tears.

I am still trembling against him when he comes to a stop.

"I'm going to need you to stand for a little bit, alright?" He gently guides me down so that I am standing in front of him, and when I wipe my eyes, I notice that we are outside, standing near the train lines. I let my head roll back and stare up at the night sky. Eric stands next to me patiently, and when we hear the train coming, I know exactly what I need to do.

But Eric does it with an amazing grace that I didn't think would be possible with a build like his. He jumps up before me, and grabs a handhold, pushes the button to open the door, and seamlessly offers me his hand. I take it and let him pull me in, too exhausted to even try to do this on my own. I sit just next to the door, and when Eric pulls himself in, he drops into place next to me.

The noise of the train makes almost drowns him out when he whispers, but I am careful to listen to him, "I watched someone jump last year. A girl from Erudite, who I had thought was my friend. No one else was there when she jumped though, so they all thought that I'd done it. They didn't believe me when I told them I had been trying to help her, to convince her to come down. They just thought that I was ruthless and that we'd had an argument, so I pushed her off... I didn't. I was trying to convince her to come down" His eyes cloud over as he talks, and he looks much younger, and very tired.

"I considered throwing myself off after her, because I felt so absolutely worthless," his voice suddenly gets stronger, and his blue-gray eyes are holding mine captive, "But you tried to help, Tara, you really did, so don't even think of throwing yourself off too"

The feeling in my chest is back, the weightlessness.

"Why did she do it?" my voice is tiny and hoarse, and I feel like I'm five again, asking my father why mum liked the two younger boys more than me. Eric falls back against the side of the train again and shrugs.

"She wasn't doing well in the physical side of initiation, she missed home, particularly her dad, and she didn't think she could stand it anymore. So, she jumped, right in front of me"

"I'm sorry" I tell him, and I really am. This feeling isn't something I would wish upon anyone. Eric snorts humourlessly, and turns to face me again.

"You just watched two people jump. The last thing you have to do right now is say sorry"

"I froze. I should have been quicker. I was too slow, too stupid to do anything. I could have saved them... or at least Phillip," I can feel my eyes getting watery again, but I have to keep talking, "I just can't believe that that's it. That they're actually gone" I am crying again, but Eric is pulling me into his lap, and yet again, he is anchoring me to him, running his hands through my hair as I cry against him. He is silent, simply letting me cry as hard as I can, until I am too tired to cry anymore, too tired to stop, and too tired to move.

* * *

He shakes me awake sometime later, "We need to get off, our stop is coming up" I nod, and move off of him, blushing slightly at how close we were. We both stand up, and the train slow just slightly and we jump at the same time. Eric lands perfectly, but I falter a bit and end up falling to my knees.

He helps me up, gently taking my hand and lifting me up, quickly stepping back once I am standing properly. I mutter a 'thanks', and he nods. He guides me through the tunnels until we find ourselves standing out front of the initiates quarters.

"Remember what I said, Tara, this is not your fault. There was no possible way for you to save them" His eyes anchor me to the spot; they are a stormy mixture of blue and gray.

I have never seen eyes more beautiful. I am weightless and speechless, so I just nod. He seems to hesitate, frowning a bit before tenderly thumbing away a tear that seemed to be clinging to the corner of my eye. He nods once more before spinning on his heel and retreating back down the hallway. I watch him until he is completely wrapped in shadows. I try to enter the room as silently as possible, but everyone is still awake anyway.

I ignore their stares, thankful that none of them seem to be able to ask any questions, and slink over to my bed, not bothering to change clothes, just toeing off my shoes and climbing in.

I hide under the blankets until the lights go out and no one seems to move anymore. Wrapped in darkness, I shed my day clothes and shrug into my sleeping ones as quietly as possible, and when I crawl back under the covers, Imogen roles over and reaches her hand out to me. I gladly link my hand to hers.

"Max told us all what happened. You okay?" She whispers, and I am glad to have her as a friend.

"Not really... but I think I will be eventually" I respond, keeping my voice as quiet as hers. She nods once and squeezes my hand before rolling back over.

I feel like Eric was right, that I couldn't have done anything more. Even if I had moved as soon as I could have, I may not have made it in time, or I may not have been able to hold the weight of them.

I wish I had had more time with them.

* * *

Authors Note: I feel like this was too quick. It was too fast? I dunno.

Also, I took a lot of liberties with Eric past. He cannot have always been this cold... I dunno. Rrrrgggg unsure.


	5. Suffer

Authors Note: This chapter was fun in parts, but painful in others. I dunno... Eric is meant to be completely unpredictable, and I want it to feel like for every step that Tara and Eric take forwards, Eric steps back five. Because I feel that that is kind of how he would be. He would be super closed off. But I'll get into that a bit later.  
Thank you for all your lovely reviews and comments and just your general awesomeness. I'm so delighted that you're enjoying this! I am VERY excited for the next two chapters in particular ^_^

Also, there's a bit of language in this one, probably in the next one too. Just a heads up.

Disclaimer: No money, Don't own, Please don't sue, I'm broke.

* * *

**We know how to pray, party everyday**  
**Make our desolation look plain**  
**Riding in a rut, till the powers cut**  
**We don't even have a good name**

**- Pink, 'Feel Good Time'.**

We wake in the morning to clanging, and as we all jump awake, Eric is yelling at us to move. We all quickly pull on training gear but Eric doesn't wait for us to finish, he just moves out of the room and heads towards the training room.

I'm still hopping into my boots as we follow him down the hallway, and Immy is pulling her shirt on over her head. We have to jog to keep up and Joseph starts to grumble about breakfast. When we finally get to the training room, Eric is standing in the middle of it, arms crossed and eyes a steely, cold gray.

"I don't care that two initiates died last night," I can't tell if he's lying... I cannot tell and that sends shivers up my spine, "I really don't. It just means the competition got a little bit more interesting. Remember, stage one ends in three days. That gives you three days to get into a safe position before we cut four initiates" He's grinning wickedly again, and it's hard to remember how he was last night.

This isn't seventeen year old Eric, this is Dauntless Leader Eric. All his walls are back up and he is unreachable. As he leaves the room, he claps Four on the shoulder, whispers something to him, and chuckles as he leaves.

Four at least has the decency to look somewhat sombre. He guides us through practice all morning, starting with target practice for both guns and knives. By the time lunch rolls around, we are all a lot more accurate with both weapons. The dining hall is loud and alive, as if two sixteen year old boys didn't kill themselves last night. Lauren slides into place next to us, and it's clear from her clothes and sweat damp hair that she's been pushing the other initiates hard.

"I'm sorry about what happened. I know Phillip was your friend" She says before she's even properly sitting down, we all thanks her quietly. "Anyway, it just means that you guys have more chance of surviving initiation"

"Shit, you sound _just_ like Eric. Two kids died, Lauren, two fucking kids. They were sixteen, for crying out loud. You're all heartless around here, I swear it" James spits out, glaring at her viciously.

"Oh fuck off," she growls back, "I'm trying to help you. If you want to be a whiny little bitch, I'll just leave then" She makes a show of picking up her plate and moving to stand up when James stops her.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm just... I didn't think... I don't know," He rubs at his eyes with both hands, "I've known Phillip for years. I just can't believe he's gone" Lauren sits back down quietly, and nods once.

"I know, I get it. It will get better, I promise you" we eat in silence for a while, but Imogen can't seem to take the silence.

"How are the other initiates going?" she asks, and this spikes my curiosity; I wonder what these other sixteen year old we are competing with are doing. Lauren grins at Immy's question and launches into a complete report about how her 'little cherubs' are actually little devils; they seem to be brutal, and enjoy pranking each other.

She does get us laughing though, which makes me appreciate Lauren a whole lot more. When she has us almost in tears, a pair of dauntless born initiates stops behind her.

"Hey! You're giving us a bad rep!" One cries, trying to keep a straight face while the other tries to look angry, which doesn't work while they're grinning. They plop themselves down at our table, and introduce themselves as Mack and Macy. They both have the same dark hair, brown eyes, tanned skin and thin nose, so I assume that they are brother and sister.

"So you're transfers, huh? How interesting" Mack says grinning at Macy, who looks quite mischievous.

"Have you gotten your first tattoos yet?" Lauren groans, but surprisingly, it is Imogen who seems to be the most excited.

"We haven't had time yet, but we probably will once we're into the second stage of initiation!" neither James nor I say anything about her answering on our behalf, and I would be the first to admit that the idea of a tattoo did seem intriguing.

"Why wait until then? You could be dead!" At the sight of Four entering the room, Macy talks a bit faster, "Meet us back here tonight, while the ceremony is on, we'll take you to Tori. She's the best" We nod as we leave the table to go meet Four, who is calling for the transfer initiates to meet him in the training room. Lauren snickers as we walk away.

It is another round of fights, and this time, I am paired up with James, Imogen takes on Natalia and Cody and Joseph will fight last. James and I agree to a fair fight, but that he should win because he has already lost once, so if I beat him, he will be even more at risk. Imogen studies Natalia carefully; devising a plan in that scary smart brain of hers

James and I make faces at each other when she starts to whisper under her breath; mostly to herself.

* * *

It is hard to eat dinner around a swollen jaw, but I make the effort because James feels so bad. Imogen seems unable to stop grinning even though her lip keeps splitting back open every time she does, causing her to bleed quite a bit. Lauren cannot take us seriously because we all look so beat up, and that causes Mack and Macy to crack up even more.

We all shuffle into the Pit after dinner is finished and watch as Max takes to the stage, bottle in hand, already half empty.

His speech about death being an 'adventure that Phillip and Simon couldn't wait for', I want to punch him in the face, and James grabs my shoulder in support. Imogen just glares at the ground

"To Phillip and Simon, forever young, bold and brave!" Max yells, and everyone around us cheers, downing whole bottles in one go. Lauren passes us all a bottle, and I hesitate for a brief second before throwing my head back and swallowing a mouthful. I have had alcohol twice before in my life, and only ever a sip, but the wine that we occasionally have at Candor does not taste anything like what Lauren just handed me and I stick my tongue out in disgust, causing Lauren to crack up in laughter yet again. Mack seems to enjoy it, however, and somehow ends up with a bottle all to himself. Lauren keeps finding bottles and passing them to us, keeping a steady flow going, and before I know it, my hands are buzzing and walking straight seems to be a problem.

"Perhaps tonight is not a good night to get a tattoo" Imogen says, her cheeks flushed and she seems to be slurring a bit. Mack finds this hilarious and laughs wildly, which sets of myself and Macy. The entire crowd is one big party, and soon there is a whole bunch of people that I do not know laughing with us and talking to us about initiation and telling us that we "have to choose a job in the armoury" after initiation, or that we "would love a job working on the Fence"

There are no boundaries with the Dauntless. It doesn't matter if you work on the Fence, or if you work in the kitchens, you are all Dauntless, and you are all friends. It is one huge family, and the more I drink, the more beautiful it becomes.

"No, bu', you see," my speech is slurred and I frown, "you're all jus'... you're all so great!" My arms are flailing widely as I try to explain to the group around me what I'm thinking, "you Dauntless, you're all so beautiful and free and so fucking _cool_. I cannot think of a cooler group of people, you know?!" and everyone around me thinks that this is hilarious, so they're all laughing and that makes me laugh. Macy tries to high-five me, but we have to try again four times before we actually get there. We end up of the floor in tears before we actually get our hands to connect.

It is hours later when Four does a round to send all the initiates to bed; Natalia is so drunk he has to find someone to carry her. When he finally gets to our circle, Lauren just pouts at him.

"Four, c'mon, you don't have to be so strict," She can hardly hold her head up, and her words are slurring even more than mine, "Let the kids drink it off. Better yet, have a drink with us!" Four grins, probably because he thinks Lauren is as funny as we all do.

"Remember what day it is tomorrow? Since Eric is absolutely plastered, I think he's forgotten, but I want to absolutely thrash him, so I'm going to get the kids to bed and then call it a night myself" Lauren's eyes go wide, and she rubs her face, suddenly a little bit more sober.

"Shit, yeah, right. Good call," then she turns on us, "Go on, get, off to bed my little cherubs" she steals bottles from us, shooing us along. We are all so drunk that we just follow Four like ducklings.

Loud, obnoxious, hilarious ducklings. Four seems somewhat unimpressed. When we finally reach our quarters, Four tells us all to have some water before going to bed.

* * *

I wake up in the wrong bed, curled up next to Imogen, but before I can even contemplate any of this information, I am running to the bathrooms to puke. James takes the toilet next to mine five minutes later. The noise of him being sick sets me off again. The pounding in my head is enough to make me want to die.

Imogen wakes half an hour later, but seems to be fresh as a daisy. Leaving the dorm seems to take more courage than usual, but James and I remind each other that we are Dauntless and we are brave. We arrive to breakfast, which is mercifully full of other drunks people, so any and all noise seems to be forbidden.

Macy joins our table soon after we arrive, holding her head and eyes half closed, "One of your lot, Natalie, I think, wound up in the infirmary last night, and one of our lot, Jackson, left last night. Just up and left and took all his stuff" Her voice is croaky and she keeps it to a whisper, which still manages to sound like she's yelling. Lauren slides in next to her, one hand over her eyes and one hand clutching a bottle of water very tightly.

"Jackson was an idiot. It's one less of you that I have to worry about" She puts her head on the table, keeping her eyes covered. "Not that I have any favourites, or anything" she adds as an afterthought.

Imogen smiles at her and then tried to force James, myself and Macy to eat something, and we do eventually end up munching slowly on some form of fruit. We head off to the training room not long after, surprised when Natalia manages to make it also, and spend the entire day doing target practice. The loud pounding of the guns makes me consider shooting myself and getting it over with.

"I think Four is using this as a punishment. I want to kill myself" I tell James, who looks white as a sheet and starting to perspire. His lips are sealed shut.

By the time dinner rolls around, the worst of the hangover is gone, and I am starting to feel a little better, although I promise myself to never touch alcohol again.

"You know, for someone who was supposedly smashed last night," Mack growls as he sits down next to me, "Eric seems to be fine. In fact, he seems to be in a better mood today than he has the entire week" I look over my shoulder and find Eric sitting next to Max. He does seem to be, in fact, perfectly fine, despite the fact that he didn't show up to our training at all today.

"He spent all day making our lives miserable, of course he's in a good mood," Macy replies from the other side of the table, "I don't know about you transfers, but he came in and took over for Lauren. We did the hardest workout we've ever done in our lives. I puked three times"

"Let's not do this again during initiation, alright?" Mack's suggestion gets a round of grunts that sound like agreement.

"Well, we survived, somehow. So, I think I'm going to have some more cake" at James' suggestion, we all have some more cake before heading off to bed. We hardly even touch our pillows before Four is throwing open the door and flicking the lights on.

"Get up, initiates! We've got things to do! Get up!" He hustles us down the hallways once we're all up, and leads us outside, back to the train tracks. I am still half asleep when we all collect an unusually light gun, and a box labelled 'paintballs'. The Dauntless born initiates stream out behind us, and they too collect weapons and ammunition as we wait for the train. Eric came up with the Dauntless-born, and he looks even more alive than he did at dinner.

I hate myself for thinking that he looks handsome.

Boarding a moving train whilst fifteen other initiates crowd around you isn't easy, but someone grab my arms and hauls me up. I meet Eric's eyes for a second before quickly moving away. He then starts helping the others. James is practically vibrating with excitement, and he is grinning from ear to ear. He drags Imogen and I closer to Four and Eric; the last place I want to be.

"We're going to be splitting up into two teams, and playing a game of capture the flag, kids," yells Four, "We're going to evenly divide you, so that the ratio of transfers and dauntless born is even. One team gets off first and hides their flag. The second team waits a little longer, and then they jump and do the same. This is part of initiation, and it's Dauntless tradition, so take this seriously" Mack and Macy have moved closer to us now and Macy is almost as bad as James; grinning wider than I'd ever seen her grin before. There are three rings in her ear that I hadn't noticed before.

"Four and I are team leaders. We'll divide the transfers first then, yeah?" Four nods, and Eric grins before continuing, "By all means, choose first. You're going to need all the advantages you can get"

Four laughs, "Yeah right, I've got this in the bag," he scans through the transfers, "Imogen" Eric frowns; staring at Four with calculating eyes.

"Joseph"

"Cody"

"Tara" My chest falters a bit. Not only am I separated from Imogen, but I'm also going to have to work with Eric and that feels impossible right now. I cannot figure out where I stand with him and it makes me feel uneasy.

"Natalia"

"James" At least I have James, thank the stars.

"Macy" Imogen has Macy at least, and Macy grins at Imogen and gives her a high-five.

"Mack" Eric and Four finish choosing the Dauntless born, and I try to put names to faces as my team members are chosen. Once everyone has been picked, Four and Eric discuss who should jump off first, and their playful banter makes me smile.

They're still kids themselves.

They decide that Fours team will take off first, and once they're all off, Eric starts playing with one of his lips rings distractedly.

"Strategy, kids, whose got one?" He asks us, glancing out the door every now and again, presumably to check when we're meant to get off.

"Find a defensible position, hide the flag... defend it?" Mack offers, and Eric raises an eyebrow.

"Anything else?" he asks, looking at us expectantly. I study my team, and come to a realization.

"You chose all of us because we're either bigger or stronger. _Your_ plan was attack, but I think Mack is right, we are bigger and stronger. Find an easily defensible position and set up ambushes around it" My voice is even and solid, despite the fact that my heart starts pounding as soon as Eric, and everyone else, turns to look at me. I don't stop staring at Eric, however, and I raise an eyebrow in a sort of silent challenge.

After a moment of silence that feels like several hours, Eric grins. "Alright, Mack, Tara. Solid plan. Let's do it," Then his grin gets even wider, but it's not the evil one he normally has. It seems to be much more genuine than that, "But if we lose, and I have to suffer Four's already huge and inflated ego, you're all going to be my slaves for at least a week"


	6. Growth

Authors Note: Hey! Sorry it took longer than usual to update, my work has been rather stressful and I've had to do a lot of overtime :/ But, I've finally found time to write, so here it is!  
I feel that in the book we're kind of told without being told that Eric has always lost to Four during these paintball matches... That was the impression I got anyway, so that was what I went with.  
I wanted to also say a HUGE thank you to every one who reviewed! I really love hearing your feedback! I just wanted to get a few things out; We aren't really meant to be sure how we feel about Eric at this point, but I will explain a bit later why he is so back and forth and so on. Also, my sense of time is a bit weird compared to the books, and I do apologize for that, but I don't want you guys to have to reread the book, and I figure that each year initiate is sort of different anyways... But yeah... hopefully it's not too annoying!  
But thank you for reading and putting up with me and yeah ^_^ you guys are great! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I know I did, for the most part!

Disclaimer: Don't own, Wont profit.

* * *

**Close enough to start a war,  
****All that I have is on the floor,  
God only knows what we're fighting for,**  
**All that I say, you always say more.**  
**I can't keep up with our turning tables,**  
**Under your thumb, I can't breath.**

**-Adele, 'Turning Tables'.**

Eric lets Mack and I choose where we want to be positioned, since it was our 'master plan'. Mack chooses to be the "last line of defence" and guard the flag itself, while I choose to stay on "the front line" and be the first ambush. Eric assigns two initiates to both of the ambushes, and tells James and Joseph to help Mack guard the flag.

He then informs us all that he will stay with me, scouting out ahead. My knees turn to jelly and I get several apologetic glances from the other initiates. We jump off soon after that, and find ourselves in an abandoned theme park area that I have never been to before; but you can see the huge Ferris wheel from several places within the city. The Ferris Wheel is at the other end of the park, though, and I would easily be lost if Eric wasn't guiding us all through the maze of long abandoned shop fronts and game booths. He stops in front of a tower and hands Mack the flag, who then heads off with Victoria and Tommy to set up a guard formation.

Mack grins at me before he leaves, letting me know that he'll "keep the flag nice and close" for me. I poke my tongue out in response, before Eric tells the rest of us to move out. Eric and I head off towards the Ferris Wheel at a jog, which means I have to almost run to keep up with him. Even at 5'7, my legs have no chance against his 6'1 stature. Once we are completely alone, he seems to relax a little bit and slows down a fraction so that it's somewhat easier for me to keep up.

"That was a good plan, by the way. I'm glad you weren't too hung over to pick it up", His soft voice pierces the darkness and it is laced with disapproval.

I throw an incredulous look at him but I don't know if he catches it, "Yeah, and I'm glad you weren't too hung over to wake us all up and drag us out here in the middle of the night". My voice doesn't have the bite it was meant to and comes out sounding confused, as if I am asking a question. He looks at me slightly, without turning his head completely.

"It isn't stupid of me to get drunk. I am not an initiate who has to be at my physical peak and top mental capa-".

"No, you're just a Dauntless Leader" I cut him off sharply. He rolls his eyes and picks up his pace a bit.

"That doesn't mean it's stupid for me to get drunk. _I'm_ not competing for my future, I've already won it". His tone is superior and I am desperate to wipe that smug look off of his face.

"But you do seem to have forgotten the cost. How many kids did you force to become factionless? How many people did you hurt to get to where you are today?". The bite is there in my voice this time, and I glare at him fiercely. He stops suddenly, and his hand is gripping my shoulder so hard that it hurts.

"Do not, for one _second_, think you know what I did to get to where I am now. Do not think that you know me. Because I have _not_ forgotten what I had to do, and if you knew, you probably wouldn't be so keen to push my buttons like you have been lately". His voice is low and dangerous, and his eyes pierce mine until I am left with shaking knees. He releases my shoulder without warning, making me stumble back a bit, and stalks away. I am forced to jog again to keep up.

What annoys me most is that he has become a whole new level of intriguing to me that I am tempted to say something else stupid so that I will get a glance at the puzzle that is Eric. I am so intrigued that I am willing to risk angering him further to figure him out.

As I open my mouth to speak, I am cut off by him pulling me to the side and holding a finger to his lips for a moment before pointing over the box we are crouching behind. I quickly peek over and find half of Four's team. Eric's mouth is against my ear before I can ask what to do, "don't move," he whispers, "don't do anything. Let them pass, and we'll join up with the next ambush and attack from behind".

His lips against the shell of my ear sends shivers down my spine, and for a moment, our eyes meet and hold. He licks his lips, and I am suddenly captivated by them, and the ring that pierces it on the left side.

I wonder what it would be like to kiss him.

As soon as the though appears in my head, I look away, and shuffle as far away as I can get without revealing our position. I refuse to look at him until I hear the other team move by and then I have to look at him, only to find that he is grinning wickedly.

He knows exactly what I was thinking. _Shit_.

He slips out from behind the box, moving so stealthily that I can't hear him move at all. I try to copy him and end up reasonably successful; the other team doesn't hear us at least. I scan them for Imogen's familiar blonde hair and feel a little bit at ease when I can't see it. I can, however, see Macy's dark ponytail swinging back and forth and that makes me feel nervous. The group is being quite loud, joking about how focused Four is and how they were going to 'completely thrash Eric's team'. Eric just grins, presumably at how oblivious they are.

When we see that we are quickly approaching the first ambush spot, Eric rolls his shoulder as I bring my weapon up into the ready position. Devon, the dauntless born initiate that Eric assigned to this ambush, lets out a roar as he and Tia, another dauntless initiate, launch the first attack. This seems to take the group by surprise. Eric and I then start firing also and the five initiates soon surrender, covered in paint splotches. Devon took two hits to the chest, and Tia got one to the stomach, but Eric and I are unscathed.

" You kids are all dead, including Devon and Tia. You're banned from shooting anyone else," Eric tells all the others before turning to me, "We've still got to take down Four and three other initiates. Let's go". As we move off, I send an apologetic wave to Macy, who grins back to me and pokes her tongue out; her way of saying that all is forgiven. I feel lighter and sigh in relief. Eric rolls his eyes and picks up the pace, headed back towards our flag.

"You're taking this awfully seriously" I tell him after a minute or so of silent jogging. He doesn't stop to look at me, nor contemplate the question.

"I'm very competitive" is his only response.

I consider this for a moment before replying "You seem to be particularly competitive with Four".

Silence. He doesn't stop, doesn't turn, doesn't respond.

"Oh yeah, real mature, ignore me. Whatever, it's not like I care" I snap at him. He chuckles at this, and stops to turn to me.

"If you don't care, why did you ask?".

... _shit_...

He grins at my silence and moves off yet again. I follow him, my mouth opening and closing as I think of possible things to say, before quickly dismissing them. So instead of speaking, I just huff. Which causes Eric to burst into a fit of laughter. This laugh is so different from any other laugh I have heard escape from his lips, and it feels much more real, much more free and happy and solid. He has to stop to lean against a bench as he loses control.

His laughter sets me off before I can contain myself and I'm stumbling towards him, hardly able to walk properly because I am laughing so hard. I fall against the bench, shaking all over and biting my lip hard to stop myself from giggling as Eric starts to bring himself under control, still grinning genuinely. I feel weightless and buoyant as I stare at him, both of us grinning like madmen.

But his grin fades as he starts to speak, "You're so... confusing to me. I can't seem to figure you out and it's both deeply infuriating and oddly liberating at the same time," He reaches up to tuck a stray lock of hair behind my ear, "You're the first person I've been genuinely curious about in the longest time". I can feel heat rushing to my cheeks and I smile at him gently.

"Well, that makes two of us" is all I can say, and I'm glad that my voice doesn't waver. The air feels thick and I find myself waiting for Eric to walk away, to snap back into closed off, walls up Eric, but he doesn't.

Instead he just grins, "Good. I prefer an even playing field. Now, let's go win this game".

* * *

We reach the tower where our flag is hidden barely minutes after the remainder of Four's team does, but I can already tell it's going to be too late. They've completely skipped the second ambush, and they're already in the tower. Natalia is sitting at the base of the stairs, glaring furiously at the two blue splats on her chest and stomach, both Eric and I race past her, just in time to see James get shot by Four while Mack dives behind a bench, flag hidden beneath him.

Eric and I are shooting at Four, so focused that we miss Imogen sneaking around the side. We don't even realize she's there until she is cheering loudly, with our flag in her hands.

Mack is flat on his back, groaning. Both his kneecaps are bright green, and there is one splat on his chest; just over his heart.

We've lost.

Four is cheering, patting Imogen on the back and then they are sprinting down the stairs, whooping gleefully with the flag held high above Immy's head. Mack starts to laugh and James soon joins in, but Eric is stock still, nostrils flared, eyes closed and fists clenched. I reach out to touch his arm in an attempt to comfort him, but before I can even get close, his eyes shoot open and he snarls at me.

"Don't you _dare_ fucking touch me. If you hadn't started distracting me and asking _fucking_ questions, this _wouldn't_ have happened". He storms back down the stairs and I turn to find Mack and James both staring at me, wide eyed. We all jump when we hear a loud crack and a roared "FUCK" from halfway down the stairs.

"What was that about?" Mack asks, voice quiet, as if he's scared Eric will hear him.

"I... he's very..." I stumble around for the right words, before settling on a shrug, turning to face the two boys, my eyes wide and mouth agape.

"C'mon initiates, we have a train to catch". Thankfully, it is Four's voice that echoes up from the bottom of the stairs, and the three of us shuffle down the stairs, following Four and the other initiates back to the train tracks. I congratulate Imogen happily; I'm okay with losing if it's losing to her. Mack claps her on the back before laughing at Macy, who laughs back. James picks Imogen up and spins her around, proclaiming that she's 'our little genius'. Her laughter makes me feel significantly better. I scan the crowd, and when I can't find Eric, I look further down the train tracks. He's standing far away from us and holding his right hand, which seems to be bleeding.

Imogen has also noticed this, "Why is Eric's hand bleeding?" she asks quietly, and before I can even shrug, Natalia pipes up from behind us.

"He punched the wall when he was coming down the stairs. Nearly scared me to death, so I scampered off before he could yell at me. What a sore loser" She scoffs, and as much as I want to glare at her, I can't help but agree.

There has to be some history between him and Four that makes losing unbearable.

"Let's give Eric some space on the train, initiates. Let him have his own carriage so he can blow off some steam, alright?" Four warns us as the train starts to approach. We all silently agree that this is a good idea. The train ride home is loud and cheerful, with plenty of stories of different perspectives. Imogen doesn't stop smiling for even a second.

When we get back to the compound, and our weapons are all put back into their box, Four reminds us that we are still expected to be at training at eight o'clock before bidding us all goodnight. After we're all wrapped up in our blankets, Imogen rolls over and grins at me, "Tomorrow, I want to get a tattoo. Okay?". I roll my eyes even as I smile and nod.

"Whatever you want, Champion of the Flag" I bow my head playfully before poking my tongue out at her. She giggles before rolling over, telling James the plan. I grin at his eager nods, before burying my face into my pillow.

* * *

Training the next day is quiet and we all take turns to work one on one with Four on target practice with both guns and knives. While we're not doing that, we're alternating between running laps and beating on punching bags. Four makes me focus harder on the knife work since I'm still doing poorly with them.

Lauren joins us for lunch, congratulating Imogen, and asking for the whole story. I decide not to tell anyone about what happened with Eric while we were alone. Mack and James ask about what Eric was talking about at the top of the tower, and I have to be careful about what I say; lying is still not an option for me. So I tell them that I made him mad by antagonizing him, which is true, and that we wasted a bit of time yelling at each other. They seem to buy this story, which makes me feel both somewhat guilty for lying and mildly successful for being able to bend the truth.

After lunch, Four works us even harder, showing us some more fighting positions and moves and makes us all memorise them. He then makes us work on the punching bags for a gruelling six hours. Before he dismisses us, he reminds us that tomorrow is Visiting Day.

I had forgotten... with all that had been going on, I had forgotten. James and I both take this reminder gladly; our families will definitely visit. Imogen seems more than a little bit worried and I can only assume that she isn't sure her family approves of her choice.

* * *

Dinner is a generally happy affair. Mack and Macy are both very excited about Imogen's idea to get a tattoo, and they manage to bring her mood up with talk of designs and placements and colors. We all eat as fast as we can, Imogen urging us to hurry up the entire time. Once we finally finish, the siblings rush us up the stairs until they finally stop on the level with all the stores and tattoo parlours, among other things. Imogen starts to eye off some clothing, but Macy and I convince her to wait until after we've gotten the tattoos sorted. Then the siblings guide us into a parlour where they are immediately greeted by a man who's probably almost as old as Max and has a huge tattoo of a flaming bird on his left arm.

"Bud!" Macy grins, pounding her fist to his. Mack does the same.

"How's initiation going, you little devils? You pissing everyone off yet?" As Mack and Macy catch up with Bud, I move further into the parlour, staring in wonder at all the different designs lacing the walls. Imogen keeps bouncing from one spot to the next, pointing out all different kinds of designs to James, who is only half paying attention to her; he is busy marvelling at all the different images surrounding the place.

I am admiring a selection of drawings of bullets, throwing knives and arrows when a voice from behind me makes me jump. "Hey there, initiate". I turn to find a woman with long black hair, streaked with a bit of gray, and brown eyes smiling at me. I grin back at her and respond with a quick 'hey'. She looks at the wall behind me, before smiling slightly, "I love it when initiates don't go for the obvious Dauntless symbols. Which one did you like most?"

I point to one of the arrows, marked with red bands of varying width down the shaft, and a mixture of red and white feathers down the end. "I like the design on this one".

Macy skips over, taking a closer look at the arrow that I had pointed out and nods approvingly. "I like it," she states, before turning to the other woman, "What do you think Tori, does it fit?".

Tori smiles, her eyes crinkling a little bit, "I think it does. You're from Candor, yes?" I raise an eyebrow but nod, "It's easy to pick you kids out, you're all straight shooters, right to the point. You love things that don't hide what they are. Arrows are fairly common with Candor transfers". She guides me over to a chair, across from where Imogen is holding out her wrist while Bud talks to her about sizes, before asking "Where do you want it?"

"Maybe in the crease of my arm? Facing outwards, I think" I rub my arm, where I intend on getting the new tattoo, and Macy grins as Tori moves away to prep a few things.

"Don't worry Tara, they don't hurt that bad" She lifts up her shirt a bit, revealing a howling wolf on her hip. I raise both eyebrows and nod, taking note to give Macy a bit more respect. Tori comes back and applies a stencil to my arm, asks me if I like it, and when I approve, she sets the last few things up.

She tests the gun and the noise makes me jump a bit, but I close my eyes and relax as Tori begins on my arm.

The pain isn't actually too bad, and I find my mind drifting. From Visiting Day tomorrow, to my little brothers, to last night, to our trip to the Fence. Phillip jumps to my mind, and I'm wondering what his family is going through. My stomach bubbles unhappily, and I recognise the feeling as guilt.

And then I am stuck in the memory of the night that, I am watching Simon jump and Phillip fall after him. I am falling after them, but Eric is pulling me back. Eric dragging me away, holding me in my hysterical state, telling me that I couldn't have done more.

Anchoring me. He is an anchor.

My eyes fly open, and Tori is almost done, "Could you do me a favour, after this, please?".

* * *

When we leave the parlour, Imogen is jumping around excitedly, bandaged around her wrist, while James tries to keep his shoulder out of her path of destruction. Macy and Mack, who are both already tattooed, simply roll their eyes and guide us to a clothing shop, since we could all use some extra supplies.

I quickly pick out some soft black jeans, a thick oversized black sweater and a dark burgundy top, before picking up a pair of slightly worn black boots that were surprisingly comfortable. Imogen picks up a similar collection, while Macy grabs an extra sweater, and the two boys pick up extra pants. Once we've all seen the attendant, who tells us how many points we each have remaining, we tell Mack and Macy that we'll see them in the morning, before heading back to the transfers quarters.

Imogen rolls over once we're all tucked into bed and worries her lower lip between her teeth, "What if my family doesn't show?". She's so quiet and insecure that my stomach rolls a little bit and I feel almost sick.

"You've got a new one, and we'll be there for you" is all I can say to her, but it helps a little bit. She smiles hesitantly before curling into her pillow.

* * *

Extra Note: It took so long to figure out what Tara's first tattoo would be. I knew what her next ones would be, because they involve her fears and so on, but this first one was just difficult!

Anyway, tell me what you think?


	7. Belong

Authors Note: Firstly, I would like to apologize for the delay! I have been absolutely swamped at work, and I had to re-write this chapter about five times because I was trying to write it in Tara's perspective, and it just wasn't working, until I had this brilliant idea for this to be Imogens chapter. She's going to play a VERY important role eventually, and she's probably my favourite side character.  
I do apologize again for how long it took me to update, and promise that as soon as my manager gets back from holidays -in 9 days- I'll be able to update more often.

Thank-you for putting up with me, and for sticking with me.

Disclaimer: Don't own, no money, Can I have an Eric please?

* * *

**And I'm getting bored waiting 'round for you.**  
**We're not getting any younger.**  
**And I won't look back 'cause there's no use.**  
**Its time to move forward.**

**- Paramore, 'Feeling Sorry'.**

IMOGEN.

I stare at the mirror for a long time before anyone else even wakes up, almost constantly fixing my blond hair, tied up into a secure bun. I tear it out several times, leaving it down momentarily before braiding it like Tara does sometimes, only to tear it out again.

The fact that my parents probably won't even come makes me all the more determined to look perfect, which makes me more frustrated by the second.

I am overcome by a mixture of rage and disappointment and betrayal as I sneak out of the dorm and race to the Pit, jumping up the stairs two at a time until I reach the floor where all the boutiques are located, and step into the first one I find that deals with hair, The fact that it is open when it cannot be later than seven in the morning would normally surprise me, but I am too emotionally compromised to think about it. The girl who greets me has short black hair pulled into two pigtails at the base of her skull and a piercing through the centre of her nose. She grins as she sees me though, so I take this as a good sign.

"Visiting day jitters?" she asks, and I nod, "Want a dramatic change?". I shrug, I don't know what I want.

Except for my parents to come today.

Pigtails just grins, and shows me to a chair, "Do you care what I do?" she asks, looking somewhat dubious. A flare of colour behind her gives me inspiration.

"Pink please". My voice is all wrong, all eagerness and Dauntlessness and recklessness. My mother would scold me for doing something so uncontrolled, but she's not here. Pigtails grins and nods appreciatively, before telling me that she's going to cut it off, and shape it into an adorable little pixie cut that is going to look absolutely gorgeous with my small frame and even more amazing with the pink colour. I nod eagerly, ignoring her mindless chatter as she cuts and measures and cuts again.

I watch the blonde locks fall to the ground until there is a significant pile there, and then Pigtails, whose name I have learned is Emily, is applying the pink colour to the short spikes. Even unfinished and wet, I am already in love with this bold and brash new me. It is perfect for the life that I have chosen.

When I meet the others in the cafeteria, I enjoy the double takes that they do before realizing that it's me. Tara is the first to jump out of her seat and squeal with delight. "You sneaky genius! It's so pretty and perfect and you look amazing!". She ruffles the spikes a bit and her eyes brighten in delight. She grabs my hand and pulls me into a seat between her and James, who is grinning broadly; my stomach does a somersault or five when I look at him. Mack and Macy both reach forward and tousle my hair a bit before grinning and proclaiming it to be 'very Dauntless'. When Lauren joins us, she nods approvingly before digging into her breakfast.

Once we're all done, we head out to the Pit, where we're supposed to be meeting our families. Mack and Macy's parents are already there, and rush forward to pull them into tight embraces. After a minute of over-affection, Mack steps back and introduces us all. Daniel and Lara are possibly some of the most interesting people I have ever seen. Daniel is very tall, probably pushing 6'3, with a short mo-hawk, and tattoos covering both arms. He has dark hair, but is not quite as tanned as his kids, but his eyes are the same dark eyes as his kids. Lana is a head shorter than Daniel, but still taller than me or Tara, had a slightly darker tan than her kids and bright green eyes. She is quick to smile and pulls us all into a motherly hug as she's being introduced. "Your sister will be coming a bit later, you know how she is about mornings", Lana tells Mack and Macy, just as Tara is slammed by two young boys, dressed all in black and white. I remember Tara mentioning twin brothers once or twice, and after the shock fades, she laughs loudly, happily, and holds both boys faces in turn.

"You've grown so much!" She tells them, which makes them grin, "Have you been helping mum and dad out a lot? Studying hard?". The boys nod and start asking questions about Dauntless life in rapid fire succession. A couple, easily identified as Tara's parents, were grinning as they moved towards us, and when Tara saw them, her eyes started to water briefly before she launched herself at the couple. Her father picked her up and spun her around, while her mother just pulled her into a very long embrace. They remarked how strong she looked now, and how comfortable she looked in her Dauntless life.

I turned to give them some family time, and also to avoid looking at what I would not have, only to find James' family had arrived also. I tried not to be jealous of my friends, but that was almost impossible, so I instead moved over to sit with Mack and Macy's family. Their sister had arrived and even I had to admit, she was the perfect example of a Dauntless member. Her left arm was covered in tattoos, she had two lip piercings and at least four ear piercings, her hair was bright artificial red and she was dressed in black leather pants and a black tank top.

She was absolutely stunning.

Lana motioned for me to sit next to her, and spoke as I slid into the seat, "Your parents not coming?".

I smirked, "If they did, I might die of shock". I am bitter, and I sound it too. I cannot help it. My parents, who should have supported me forever because I am their _child_, will refuse to come visit me just because I chose to be separated from them. Little did they know that I had no choice, unless I wanted that witch Jeanine Matthews to find me and start performing tests.

She hadn't come right out and said that she wanted to make Divergent kids lab rats, but I'm not stupid, and her fear mongering can only lead to one thing; death to all Divergent.

And I was one of them.

Lana was talking again, "I always thought that family is more about choosing than what we've been given. I mean, you're given one, sure, but you get to choose one as well. And if you choose what you're given then that's great, but you don't have to, you know?". She smiled gently down at me, and I thought about this for a moment.

If I could have chosen, would I have chosen my real family anyway? Chosen them over Tara and James and Mack and Macy and Lauren?

Probably not.

We spent most of the day together, as one huge big family. It was really quite nice, having a proper family. Lauren and Four were making rounds, introducing themselves to families, and quickly moving on. However, when Lauren moved around to us, she sat down and joined us for quite a while.

We spoke about a lot of things, Dauntless life, Candor life, initiation, what had been happening in the outside world, what had been happening in our world. I hardly paid any attention, happy to just sit back and watch everyone laugh and tell stories and just be together.

It wasn't until after Lauren left that I saw Tara discreetly scanning the crowd, looking for someone. She did this a lot, particularly at meal times. I waited until her eyes lit up before turning to also scan the crowd. Amongst all the Dauntless members, I saw no one who I had seen Tara interact with, aside from Tori, Bud and Eric. I ruled out Tori and Bud, if Tara wanted to get another tattoo, she would definitely had told us, but she'd agreed to wait for our next ones until after initiation.

And then there was Eric, who was batshit crazy and mean and just plain cold... but still devilishly handsome. So I studied him for some time, waiting for some kind of signal, but nothing happened.

Not until Max announced that visiting day was over, and Eric took this opportunity to study our little group. His eyes mostly stuck to Tara, watching with curiosity how she interacted with her family.

He was studying her, just as I was studying him. How insanely intriguing!

Tara had to wipe away a few tears when her family left, but quickly cheered up and threw her arms around me, "I'm sorry your family didn't come today".

I smiled gently, "I've got a new one, remember?". James followed Tara's lead and wrapped his arms around my waist, which made me blush a bit. Mack and Macy soon joined us and then Lauren reappeared and piled on top. Tara and I started to laugh, which made James laugh, and soon we were a laughing mess. We broke apart and piled into the cafeteria, claiming a table all to ourselves and enjoying two slices of the delicious chocolate cake.

* * *

In the morning, Eric works us extra hard, reminding us every two seconds that this is our last chance to impress them, as tonight four of us will be kicked out. We start out with target practice, guns first and knives second. Firing a gun is something we've all been practicing hard at, and then only person who still can't hit the target is Natalia. Four spends time working with her, but even when Eric stands behind her and yells, she can only graze it.

I don't think she'll be here tomorrow.

The problems really start when we get to the knives. Tara is still only hitting the target with 50% accuracy. Four is working with her when Eric call me over to him.

"Stand in front Tara's target" he tells me, still watching Tara.

I must have heard incorrectly, "Pardon me?".

He turns to stare at me, raising an eyebrow, "Stand in front of her target, initiate".

I had heard correctly... what the hell was he thinking? I hesitate and his nostrils flare. I jerk away as he reaches for me, moving over to Tara and telling her to stops throwing while I move in front of her target.

"What are you doing?" her eyes flash with worry as she asks, her voice small and nervous.

And all of a sudden, I realize Eric's plan. Tara thinks of me like family, Eric saw that yesterday, she won't hit me. I released the breath I hadn't realized I was holding, smiling at Tara confidently.

"You won't hit me, I trust you. Throw now". I look over to Eric, but he is studying Tara. Everyone else had stopped throwing, watching us intently. Even Four has stopped giving Tara instructions. Tara looks panicked, and asks Four what to do.

He looks at me, then at Eric, then back to Tara, "Throw".

Her eyes widen, and she bites her lip before turning back to me.

"Throw, initiate" Eric tells her. Her jaw tenses and her nostrils flare; she is annoyed now.

"Fucking hell, Fine!" she barks out, spinning the knife in her hand and then she throws the knife.

For a second, I am sure that it is going to hit me.

But it doesn't, it lands firmly in the board behind me, just next to my shoulder. Eric offers her another two knives, "two more, and then we'll move on", he challenges her. She glares at him before sneering and grabbing the knives.

She frowns at me, brow furrowed in concentration. Minutes pass before she throws them in slow succession, and both land close to me, but never hit me. Eric nods, before telling us all to move on to doing laps around the training room. Tara takes off quickly, running ahead of us all, glaring incessantly at Eric. James and I run together, at a somewhat slower pace.

"What you did was really brave, you know". I blush at James' comment and smile up at him happily. He really is quite cute.

We are sent to lunch after we've run for an hour, and when we come back, our names are all paired up on the board for our mock-fights. I am paired up with Tara, James with Natalia, and Cody with Joseph. I grab Tara by the arm, dragging her to the side before she can growl at Eric. "Don't be stupid," I hiss at her, "he's testing you, you idiot". She looks at me in surprise.

"What?".

I look at her intently, "You pissed him off, didn't you?" She blushes a bit, and I take that for a yes, "He's testing you to see if he can break you. You have to beat me and badly".

She shakes her head, and her eyes are set with determination, "No. I won't beat you". I groan in frustration.

"Tara, stop it. I've impressed Eric and Four, and I won capture the flag, I have to be near the top of the list. You, however, have pissed Eric off somehow and also lost at capture the flag. James at least will prove himself against Natalia, and has almost perfect aim now. We have to make it look good, but you have to win".

She stares at me, before grinning, "You really are an Erudite kid, aren't you?". I worry my lip between my teeth.

"If only you knew the half of it, Candor" I quip back and she laughs. The word DIVERGENT springs to mind, and I'm tempted to throw it up in the air, a bit like puke, but the woman from abnegation warned me not to tell anyone, not even Family.

Tara sighs before agreeing with me, and we rejoin James in the middle of the room. "You've got a plan, I assume, genius?" is all he says. We nod in response, and he takes a deep breath.

I feel thin and weak, and my voice comes out a bit strained, "You beat Natalia, Tara beats me, we all get through to stage two. Then we beat stage two, and we all become Dauntless members. Ta Da, happy ending".

I hope that this plan works.

* * *

Dinner is quiet, as I hold the ice pack to my eye and Tara cradles her sprained wrist. Lauren sits with us too, worry evident in her face. Mack and Macy don't bother trying to cheer us all up. We eat slowly, dragging out the time we have together before we find out if we'll be spending the next two weeks together or not.

"There are sixteen initiates left, I'm sure we're in the top twelve" Macy whispers as we all finish up. Tara nods, but doesn't say anything, and James is biting his thumb nail. We are the last to get back to the dorm, and the board is hanging next to the door.

1. Diana

2. Tia

3. Imogen

4. Macy

5. Mack

6. Devon

7. James

8. Cody

9. Tara

10. Clarice

11. Tommy

12. Dee

13. Joseph

14. Brick

15. Lai

16. Natalia

Tara stumbles and has to sit on the first bed so that she doesn't fall, and James is staring at the board. Joseph and Natalia's beds are already cleared. They are already gone. I feel a stab of guilt in my gut, but I also feel a surge of pride. I've survived, my family has survived. I'm not going to lose anyone, I feel a huge weight fall of my shoulders, and I move to sit next to Tara. She grins and throws and arm around my shoulder, "See little Immy, we totally owned this. Just two more weeks to go and then we're actual Dauntless members".

* * *

Next up, our first fear landscape, Eric is being Cruel, and not just to Tara, a new Dauntless member who's probably my favourite character in the entire story and some romantic development between two side characters.

Thank you again for sticking with me!


	8. Drown

A/N: I am SO sorry. My boss delayed his return by two weeks, so I've been struggling to keep up at work, let alone catch up on sleep. But finally, FINALLY, I got this baby done. We're back in Tara's POV, and I tried SO hard to make Eric more himself, but he just wouldn't, the squidy bastard. I swear, he's going to be mean next time.

This was meant to be longer, but I felt that this was a perfect spot to stop so that the next chapter can be super long.

Again, I am so sorry for the wait.

Disclaimer : I don't own.

* * *

**I was a heavy heart to carry,**  
**My feet dragged across the the ground,**  
**And he took me to the river,**  
**Where he slowly let me drown.**

**- Florence and the Machine, 'Heavy in your Arms'.**

Breakfast the next morning is probably one of the best I've had since arriving to the Dauntless compound. Between Lauren's stories of the antics that the Mac siblings used to get up to, and the commentary from Macy, it is almost impossible to stop laughing long enough to shovel food into our mouths.

"I kid you not, she just threw the paint and ran".

"Right onto Max. God, he was so mad, Mum thought he was gonna kick me out".

"I'm still surprised that he didn't, actually".

By the time they finish telling the story of how the resulting community service ended in yet another unlikely situation, Four is calling all the initiates to the Pit. The remaining twelve of us all gather together, and Four starts walking as he explains. "Stage two is about emotions, and how well you can control them and how you react to stimuli. We have no use for cowards in Dauntless, remember that. You'll all be ranked together now, Dauntless born and transfers alike, and then, after stage 3, two of you will be cut. Remember, your rank is important for when you're a full member, so if you want better options, use this stage to improve your rank, if you can". We finally reach a room with benches around the sides and one closed door at the end.

Eric is standing in front of the door. "So you've survived stage one, how fantastic," he tells us, glaring at a few people in particular, sending a particularly vicious one my way, "Now you've got to survive something much worse. If you survive today, those of you lost supremely during the Capture-the-Flag game will wait for me at the center of the Pit, as you'll be completing your first task as my slaves tonight, understood? You will not go to dinner until you've finished my task".

The seven of us who remained from the team nodded, and Eric raised an eyebrow before rolling his eyes and leaving the room, clapping Four on the shoulder as he left. Four sent him a nod before telling Tia to follow him into the room at the end.

The Mac siblings were the first to sit, and Imogen, James and myself quickly followed suit. A girl with a simple red braid that fell halfway down her back joined us quickly. "This little devil is Diana," Macy tells us, and Diana grins at us, her pale skin almost glowing in the dark.

"You're coming first, right?" James asks, and her grins widens.

"Sure am," she tells me with a wink, "But don't worry, I've been training for years". We wonder aloud what is going to happen in the next room, and what we'll be facing for the next two weeks, but when Four opens the door fifteen minutes later, we still don't get a peek at what's behind the door. Mack groans when Four calls him up next, but quickly hustles into the room.

Slowly, at ten to fifteen minute intervals, we get called in. Macy follows Mack, then James, then Diana, then Dee -who I swear Eric called Victoria-, and then Four calls my name.

My knees wobble a bit as I stand, but I make it into the room without falling. I turn and nod to Imogen, who nods back, giving me a thumbs up. I take a deep breath before closing the door behind me and turning around, There's a chair, almost the same one I sat in just over a week ago during the aptitude test, and there's a computer set up in the corner, and a machine set up next to the chair. Four gestures for me to sit down, "I'm going to inject you with a serum to induce a hallucination of something you fear. You're going to face it. The simulation ends when you calm down enough that your heart rate registers as normal. Do you understand?" He asks, and I nod. Honestly, I was never very good at science, but this seems pretty straight forward. It's a simulation where we face our worst fears.

I could handle that if I could remember what my worst fears were.

Four clicks the injection into my neck and I don't let the fear show on my face. "Everything you're seeing will be displayed on this monitor, and I'll be able to see it. The first time is always the worst, but you'll do fine. Dauntless are brave, remember that Tara".

I'm standing on a tiny patch of ice, surrounded by deep blue water. The air is frozen around me, my plain black t-shirt and jeans do nothing to protect my skin from the cold air that clings to my skin and sinks into my bones. Goosebumps ripple down my arms, and I shiver uncontrollably.

I know exactly how cold it is in that water. I know because when I was five, I fell through ice whilst skating with my parents, and almost drowned in water that was the same colour.

I can feel myself start to panic. I haven't been this close to ice cold water in eleven years. I am distantly aware that my entire body is shaking, my fists are clenching and unclenching on their own accord, and my breathing is so erratic that I'm going to hyperventilate. I roar a curse at the sky, but halfway through, my foot slips, or maybe the ice I'm standing on disappears, and I'm crashing into the water.

My arms thrash around uselessly, my legs moving haphazardly. My entire body is screaming at the shock of the intensely cold water. I break the surface and gasp for air before sinking again.

My skin is freezing, my lungs are screaming, my heart is beating against my ribs so hard it hurts and my brain is mush. I am stuck in a loop of flail, drown, break the surface, gasp for air, flail, drown, break the surface, gasp for air, flail.

I have to break the cycle, I have to do something, I have to be brave.

I stop flailing. I slowly begin to sink.

I close my eyes, slowly release the oxygen I have, and force myself to focus.

My body is so cold that is has become numb, but I stop. My heart calms.

I push myself forward, and fall onto a solid floor, my eyes flying open. It was a simulation... just a simulation. Four is moving forward to help me off the floor; I am back at the Dauntless base.

Just a simulation, but I still feel freezing.

"Good work, Tara, good work, it's over now," Four reassures me, as he opens up the door at the back of the room that leads out, "Don't forget, you've got community service with Eric". And then he's guiding me out the door and closing it behind me. I stare at the door for a while, it isn't over. I'm still shaking, I'm still half frozen. I can feel myself drowning. I clench and unclench my fists as I make my way to the Pit, quickly finding Mack, James, Tia and Dee standing in the centre with Eric, waiting for Tommy, Devon and myself to join them.

I watch them for a moment, making note of how Tia and Dee stand a bit away from Mac and James, and watching how Eric is always aware of the room, even if he appears not to be. He knows where everyone is, but wants everyone to think that he's relaxed.

He turns around and meets my eyes, one eyebrow raised, "You can join us now, initiate", he calls and I frown as I make my way to the group. He then goes back to picking at his nails. I join Mack and James, who's fists are still clenched and eyes a bit wide.

Mack grins at me, "What was your first fear?".

I wonder, briefly, whether Mack has any awareness of personal boundaries before answering, "Drowning, yours?".

"Losing both legs, James' was having to kill his family, hence why he's still so weird". Mack definitely has no personal boundaries. Of course.

James glares at him, "You wouldn't have enjoyed it either, you shit". Mack rolls his eyes and pushes him playfully, which then starts off a bout of roughhousing that I take three steps back from. Devon joins us ten minutes later, and Tommy not long after Devon.

Eric then gathers us together and starts to explain, "Alright, you're all going to be doing some community service in different departments. Tia, Devon and Victoria-"

"How many times do I have to fucking tell you that I go by Dee, you fucking-" Dee flares up but Eric just continues talking over her, acting as if he can't hear a thing.

"You'll be heading over to the kitchens, Mack and James, you'll be in childcare, Tommy you'll be helping Leanne in childcare, and Tara you'll be headed to the armoury. If any of you are slacking, I'm going to hear about it. Particularly you, _Victoria_. You should all be able to get yourselves to where you're going, except Tara, and I'll take you there in a moment," As the other prepare to move off, Eric calls Dee back. I take a step away to give Dee some privacy, but even then I can hear what he says.

"Disrespect me like that again and I will throw you out, do you understand?" He hisses.

She squares her shoulders and hisses back, "It's not that hard to use Dee instead of Victoria, do _you_ understand". Eric throws his head back and laughs. But it's that cold, threatening laugh he uses when he's trying to intimidate you.

He stops abruptly and sneers down at her, "Watch yourself, Victoria, or perhaps you'll wake up as you fall down the Chasm. _Mommy_ wouldn't like that". Victoria pales and winces as she turns on her heel and walks away. Eric then turns and starts to walk away, and I rush to follow him. We walk in silence for a moment or two before he frowns, "You're shivering, why?".

I bite my lip, and shove my hands into my arm pits, "I'm cold".

He raises an eyebrow, "You told Mack that your first fear was drowning, why?". Before I can stop myself, I chuckle.

"What, drowning isn't something to be afraid of?".

Eric purses his lips, and plays with his lip ring, "What happened to make you afraid of drowning?", he asks. His voice is soft and soothing, and I relax a little bit.

"I was five, and my parents took me out ice-skating on a pond. There were tons of Candor there, it was something that we did, you know?" He has slowed his pace down, and I'm rubbing my arms to try to work off the cold, "We were layered up to keep warm, but we were still freezing, but in my five year old brain, this was the most fun that I was ever gonna have, so I ran out there and started skating. My parents had to be slower, because the twins were only one, and they were sitting on the edge, just showing the boys what ice was and stuff," I have no idea where Eric is taking me, but we're not passing many people, so I imagine that we're using back corridors or something. Eric is paying close attention to me, and we're walking side by side, "So I'm having the time of my life, skating as fast as I can, but I go too far out, where the ice is too thin, and before I can turn around, the ice cracks beneath me and I fall in. The skates weigh me down and I'm drowning. I hadn't even been able to scream before I went down, so no one had seen me. I was under for what felt like forever".

Eric has stopped, "I'm just going to grab something real quick, keep talking". He opens the door slowly, and leads me inside, gesturing for me to sit on a couch.

We're in an apartment. _His_ apartment. He moves over to the other side of the room, rummaging through his wardrobe, looking for something, and he tells me to keep going. As I talk, I take in everything around me. "So I'm under the water, and I can't get out, because the skates are drowning me, and I'm freezing and I'm panicking and I blacked out". There's a small kitchen and a sleek black dining table in the front left corner, one back corner is dedicated to some gym equipment, and then there's his bed and wardrobe next to that. "And then I woke up two days later in medical. Jack Kangs' younger brother pulled me out, apparently, and saved me. My parents hadn't even noticed that I'd gone under until Sam started yelling".

There were books everywhere, piled up on the dining table, all over the benches in the kitchen, on the floor next to the bed, and even the bed itself. Eric has stopped searching and is moving back towards me, and towards the door which is next to the couch I am sitting on.

As we leave, he hands me the black item that he had been searching for. It's only after I've grabbed it that I figure out that it's a black sweater.

I am stunned by this gesture. I stammer out a thank you, and Eric shrugs, but I swear I see his cheeks pink up slightly. "So is that why you left Candor, because your parents are more interested in your twin brothers than you?" He asks quickly.

I scoff a bit at his blunt comment, "Not at all. I left because I got sick of the brutal honestly," I pull the sweater over my head and falls down to mid calf. I leave the sleeves down past my hands, curling my fingers into the material to warm them up. "I mean, there's no room for compassion or politeness because you need to be honest all the time and in Candor those things just put a veil over the truth. Everything is structured and ordered and out in the open. You can't just be nice to someone for the sake of not being mean, you have to be objective and have a motive. I mean... it's more than that... I just... ugh. There's order and control and everything is so programmed and planned. I just... I wanted to be free, I guess". I feel stupid, because I can't find the right words, and Eric won't look at me anymore, so I bite my lip and stop myself from rambling.

We have walked through a fairly occupied area, and we've come to a stop in front of, what I can easily assume, is the armoury. Eric turns to face me as he speaks, "I get it. Bravery is a certain kind of freedom, and Dauntless has very little structure... But I don't think you're brave".

I recoil, his assessment physically stinging. Eric opens his mouth to explain, but before he can speak, he is interrupted.

"Finally, my helper has arrived! What did you do?! Forget that I asked for someone? It's a big day, you big doofus, I wanna get outta here as soon as possible!". A girl, a few years older than me maybe, emerges from behind the shelving and flips up a section of the counter. She has black hair that's been thrown into a messy bun at the back of her head, with half of it fallen out, and straight bangs. She's pale, with big blue eyes and her lips are covered in a dark red lipstick. She throws her arms around Eric briefly before turning to me and throwing her arms around me too. "Oh man, Eric, get outta here, we have work to do!" She shoos him away, and once he's finally gone, she frowns at me, "You know, he's a big numpty, but saying that you aren't brave was too far, so I had to shoo him away. You're first jumper, and you chose Dauntless. Of course you're brave darling. Eric's just been brain washed by Max to think that there's only one kind of brave, which is stupid, because there's all kinds of brave".

She leads me out back, behind the counter and back into the shelves and into a room filled with weapons of all kinds.

"So, I'm Skye, and I run the armoury. Today is my birthday, which is why I requested some help getting everything done, because tonight I'm getting rip-roaring drunk. You're totally welcome to come if you want to, I can already tell that we're going to get along like peas in a pod!"

For a while, I just stare at her wide eyed, fishing for something to say. She looks at me expectantly, and gestures for me to speak, "I'm Tara. I'm your help".

She just laughs.

* * *

Next Chapter : more of Skye talking, Skye's birthday party, an explanation from Eric, and Imogen starts plotting.


	9. Explain

Authors Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you guys are amazing and pretty much keep me going. I really quite like this chapter, and it was pretty fun to write. Skye, again, is one of my favourite side characters, along with Imogen, and I hope that you guys love her as much as I do.  
That's it, I think. Short Authors note this time, yay!  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own and I'm definitely not profiting in the economic sense.

* * *

**There's something happening here**  
**There's something here that I just can't explain**  
**I know I'm where I belong**  
**Deep down inside I am no longer lost!**

**- Snow Patrol, 'I Won't Let You Go'.**

Skye finally stops laughing as she guides me to the back of the armoury. "Okay, so today we're going to clean, catalogue and sort that whole table of stuff," we've stopped in a pretty big room, with several tables covered with different things; catalogues, cleaning rags, instructions and records. The table that she points to is covered in weaponry, an assortment of knives and guns, and there's even a sword. "Once you've cleaned something, look it up in the catalogue -I'll have to help you with what each different one is called- and then figure out who's locker it goes into. These are the weapons that the patrols carry, so every two weeks when they come in from rotation, they store their weapons here, since they aren't allowed to carry a weapon whilst on base. Every member of Dauntless has their own weapon, and can request additional ones if they want to. Patrol personnel are meant to clean their own weapons whilst on rotation, but I do the final clean. If you find something that looks like it hasn't been cleaned, let me know, and I'll check it for you. If they aren't cleaning them properly, we can take it off them... or worse", she winks at me while I stare at her wide eyed again, still trying to process what she had said. "You're so adorable! Staring at me like that! Most people just tune out and nod, but you're actually trying! You're such a darling!".

Skye guides me over to the table, and we sit down next to each other, she finds two pistols that are the same model and walks me through pulling it apart and cleaning each piece. Once we've done three of these, she moves on to the rifles and tells me to keep going with the handguns, since there are plenty of those to do.

"So are you enjoying Dauntless? When I transferred in from Amity, it wasn't so competitive. But, I guess that's mostly because Max is trying to push for a certain kind of faction, and Eric is the perfect person to help him build that... and Four too, I suppose... But, anyway, are you enjoying it?".

I'm curious as to how an Amity started working in the armoury, and make note to ask later, "I love it, I think it's fantastic".

She grins at me, "Anybody caught your eye in the romantical sense?", she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, my cheeks flush red, and when I shake my head, she scoffs, "Eric seemed to be talking to you as if you were a human being, and I'm almost positive that's his sweater you're wearing, it's not quite black but navy blue, and that's his favourite colour, and you're trying to tell me that you're not even slightly interested?!".

Worry spreads through my chest like wildfire, I don't know anything about Skye, and she's asking a lot of questions. Was she interested in Eric? An ex-girlfriend? "You seem to know a lot about Eric". My voice comes out way too quiet, and I am stung again by the truth of Eric's comment; I am not brave.

Skye bursts into laughter. "Eric and I are as close to friends as Eric gets, dearest. I mean, you'd have to be dead to miss the fact that Eric is insanely attractive, but I have my own slice of pie. But I've watched Eric ignore every advance that any girl has ever made without even batting an eyelid. In the past year that I've known him, he's never been interested in anyone for more than24 hours. I think that Eric is curious, and he has been since you showed him up on the first day of training. And I think you're curious too. You and Eric are a kind of perfect, curious pie together...I could really go for some pie, now that I think about it". I stop to consider Skye's comments for a moment. He did say that he was curious about me, and that that doesn't happen very often, but he doesn't seem to be interested how Skye seems to think he is. Mostly, he seems to just want to hurt me... or piss me off.

"I don't know, Skye. He seems to just try to piss me off a lot. Just because he's curious doesn't mean he's interested. I mean, of course he's good looking, but it's not like I'd ever consider him as anything more than a Dauntless leader" It feels weird talking about Eric in this way; so openly and freely. But I also don't want to lie to Skye.

She watches me for a while, studying my face intently. "He didn't mean it, you know, and I'm sure he had a really good explanation. He just... he's so focussed on being a Dauntless leader that sometimes he forgets how to talk to people. That, and he's from Erudite, so he's kind of... blunt, because he only see's things one way. You are brave, just not the.. reckless kind of brave that he is. So he doesn't understand it, you know?". I smile at Skye, unable to help myself.

"You're lovely, you know that?" I tell her.

"Oh, I do" She laughs.

* * *

We spend three hours cleaning weapons, and sorting them into different lockers and locations. The sword that I saw belongs to someone called 'Colossus' and Skye promises to introduce me to him tonight, at the party. I learn how to completely pull apart and reassemble the standard guns for the patrol personnel, both the pistol and the rifle. I even get to watch Skye pull apart the sniper rifle, which intrigues me to no end. When Skye tells me to go get some dinner and to invite my friends to the party, which, as always, is in the Pit after dinner, I have completely forgotten about Eric.

I find our usual table bustling with energy as Mack and James tell stories of how they got puked on, twice for James and four times for Mack, and how one kid actually peed on them. I slide in just as James is assuring Imogen that he definitely wants some 'little critters' of his own one day. Mack fakes being sick as Lauren cracks up, shouting 'smooth, James, smooth', which makes James blush furiously. Imogen blushes, but smiles happily. She really is a beautiful girl, particularly with her short cropped pink hair. And the way she smiles up at James... she looks purely angelic.

Mack rounds on me then, "Your opinion on Skye, like or love?". Macy grins eagerly and squishes up next to him, staring down at me.

I laugh around my mouthful of steak, "Love, love, love. We're all invited to her party tonight, by the way. It's her birthday".

"I thought we weren't going to get drunk again during initiation?" Imogen pouts as she reminds us, but then she focuses on me and squints a bit, "Also, when did you get that sweater?".

"We don't have to get drunk, but I definitely want you guys to meet her, although the Mac siblings are obviously already acquainted? I was cold today so I went past the shop on my way to the armoury". I know every tell when it comes to lying, and I try my best to seem nonchalant about this lie, and make sure to maintain eye contact, but the words burn on their way out.

Imogen raises an eyebrow in disbelief, but Mack and Macy accept it easily, grinning mischievously, while Lauren rolls her eyes, "Yes, the Mac's are very well acquainted with Skye. She's very close with the entire family". It takes some convincing, but between the Mac siblings, James, Lauren and myself promising to make sure that alcohol consumption stays to a minimum and doing an equal amount of begging, Imogen agrees to go. As soon as we are finished with dinner, we head to the Pit, where we find that a party has already started, with Skye in the middle of it.

The music gets turned up soon after we arrive, and now it must be vibrating every inch of the compound, but I'm almost positive that every Dauntless member is here. Skye bursts out of the crowd, and hugs us all, "Thanks for coming! It's so nice to meet you two kids, and to see all you others again. Lauren, Jake is looking for you, so I suggest you duck and cover," Lauren swears at this, and excuses herself quickly, Skye grinning wickedly, "I swear, that girl avoids commitment like a cat avoids water. Anyway, drink, enjoy. Imogen, I love your hair!".

Skye was only with us momentarily before Robin, Mack and Macy's elder sister came up behind her, and wrapped her arms around her waist. She nods to her siblings before pressing a quick kiss to the side of Skye's neck. I grin widely, "You're slice of pie, I assume?" I ask Skye, who grins joyously and giggles a bit.

"My slice of pie, yes". The Mac twins laugh as Robin rolls her eyes at them before settling her eyes on me.

"You're the one who spent today with Skye?", she asks, her head tilting slightly to the side when I nod in response, "Interesting. Didn't think you'd be his type". I blush slightly as Imogen spins to face me, turning away from the Mac twins and staring at me intently, while Skye just groans and smacks her forehead.

She spins around and smacks Robin lightly on the arm, "Ro, fucking hell, you're the worst person on the planet".

Robin rolls her eyes, but still manages to look somewhat sheepish, "I didn't even do anything". Skye glares at her before she sighs, "Fine, I'm sorry that I have a big mouth and do not think before I speak. I'm going to get a drink". It is the most I've heard her speak ever, even though she spent an hour or two with us on Visiting Day. As soon as Robin walks away, Skye drags Imogen and I away from the others, who don't seem to have noticed anything.

"Who's type? Who's sweater is that? What's going on? Is it Eric?" Imogen fires at me, and I'm floundering.

"There's nothing... I'm just... No... I... Skye?" I turn to her in a desperate attempt to make some sense. Skye takes a deep breath and nods.

"Okay, so, here's the deal. Eric is sort of intrigued by Tara, and, sorry about this Tara," She takes a deep breath here and starts blurting out words, "but-I-kind-of-know-everything-because-I-totally-grilled-Eric-about-a-week-ago-because-he-was-being-really-distant-so-I-know-everything-and-I-didn't-tell-you-today-but-just-bear-with-me," she takes another breath here before continuing at a normal pace, "So, after Tara surprised him with the target practice, he was a little bit curious, but thought it'd just go away, but then you beat the other initiate in the fight, and you didn't cry out when Thalia set your broken nose afterwards, and he was starting to get even more curious. You were stronger than he'd thought you would be, and then they had this discussion at the Chasm about being human, and he hadn't found someone who understood that part of him in a long time. Even I don't get that, not feeling human? How can you not feel human?" I glare at her and she holds her hands up, "Sorry, I just don't get it. Anyway, so then the two boys fell down the Chasm, and it was kind of like this sign for him. He had watched an initiate jump when he was an initiate, and it was another thing you had in common, you know? And then you had that thing during the paintball match, where you guys were running around on your own, and being all cute and there was all this sexual tension and you were pushing his buttons because he was just starting to find you a little bit adorable. Then you guys lost, and he was furious because he was distracted by you which he shouldn't have been. Then Four was asking questions and he got mad, and then I asked questions, and he was furious, so he kind of exploded at me and told me everything. So, now he's really confused about what his curiosity means and what he's doing and the moral ethics of it because he's meant to be impartial and consider all initiates equally. So, that's why he's so flip floppy with you... I think".

Imogen and I stare at Skye for a while. Only she could say that much in such a short amount of time. While Imogen is still processing and fitting things into place in her timeline, I'm busy filling the back story and applying the reasoning to why Eric is so 'flip floppy'. It makes sense, it really does. He's mean to be instructing us, not getting involved with us.

And then Immy smacks me in the arm, quite hard really, "How could you keep this from me?!" She squeaks, "This is huge! I mean, my crush on James, which everyone _totally_ knows about so _don't_ pull that face, is tiny compared to you and Eric!".

She smacks me again, so I start yelling apologies and holding my arms up to protect my face.

* * *

It's a while later, and, of course, the lure of alcohol has been too strong for our young bodies. Also, Skye is very persuasive. Imogen is sitting on James' lap, as we sit in a circle with Skye, Mack, Lauren, Robin, Colossus and Diana. Colossus' real name is Steve but he hates it, so we all call him Colossus; angering the 6'5 mountain of a man seems to be a bit dangerous. Skye assures me that he's a total teddy bear, but I don't believe her yet. Diana is proving to be almost as funny as Lauren, possibly even as funny as the Mac twins.

We're all pretty drunk by the time that Macy finds us again, after being sent out on the next drinks run, and we giggle a lot as she passes out the next round. We're supposed to be playing a card game, but I have no idea how to play, so I've just been trying to keep up. Colossus has been trying to help me, but my mind is pretty slippery right now, so mostly we're just laughing at each other, falling onto each other in fits of laughter.

He stops mid laugh as he turns to face Skye, and I poke him in the arm, still giggling, as I turn to see what he's looking at. Five people are taking turns to hug Skye, and wish her happy birthday, which has been happening non-stop throughout the night. But then I realize what made Colossus stop laughing.

Its Max, and the rest of the leadership team. Including one very pissed off Eric, who is glaring at both me and Colossus. Colossus looks fairly confused, and he leans over to me, keeping his voice very low, "Why is Eric glaring at us?".

I am both upset and angry at the same time. He's making me feel like a child, yet again, and there are few things I hate more than being made to feel like a child. Particularly when I've done nothing wrong. So I whisper "I don't know" to Colossus, and glare right back at Eric. He sneers and turns away. I am furious.

Skye tell Eric that he really has to sit down, on account of him being her best friend and everything, and he grins and sits as the other four walk away, joining the party with ease. Eric sits next to Skye and waits for us to finish the game so that he join in on the next round.

I'm still glaring at him. I cannot help myself. How dare he tell me that I'm not brave? That I don't belong? I put my cards down, without even looking, Colossus yells out 'twenty one!' and Skye tells me that I must be getting the hang of the game. I down the remaining half of my drink, "I think I'm going to get the next round, everybody in?", to which everybody, except Robin and Eric, nods.

"I'll help", Colossus says as he moves to stand up.

Eric is already standing, though, and places his hand gently on Colossus' shoulder, "No, don't worry about it, I'll help her". Colossus shrugs and sits back down, glancing to me with a raised eyebrow. I nod slightly, letting him know that I'm okay, and walk away without waiting for Eric to join me.

But he catches up easily. "Are you sure you should have another round? You're already pretty drunk". His voice is soft, quiet, gentle.

I explode. "What the fuck is your problem?!" I hiss at him, my voice perfectly venomous.

"I just think you've had a bit much to drink," he bites back, "You're slurring pretty bad, you're glaring at me a lot and you're flailing all over poor Colossus". I stop walking, my hands start shaking and heat floods to my face.

"Fuck. You" I speak through clenched teeth, and I close my eyes, trying to stop my hands from shaking. Trying desperately to calm down. "You don't own me. I don't care that you're a Dauntless leader. I'm going to have another drink, I'm going to glare at you, and I am **not** _flailing_ over Colossus".

"That's not how it looked from where I was standing" He says, and when I open my eyes I find him staring at me accusingly.

Realization hits me.

"That's what this is all about. You're jealous!". I laugh, the anger flooding out of me and making me feel buoyant and light and I cannot stop laughing. He is glaring at me, but, fuelled by my intoxication, my laughter becomes louder and I have to lean on him to stay upright. He wraps an arm around my waist and drags me away from the crowd, into a side hallway which is empty of all other people.

The anger in his eyes makes my throat tighten, stopping the laughter. My chest feels painfully heavy and my heart beats rapidly. Why does he have this affect on me?

"What if I am jealous? What if that is what this is all about? What then?". The anger fades from his eyes, leaving them a perfect blue.

I frown, somewhat mesmerized by him. I am closer than I have been in a while, so I take a moment to study him, from his bright blue eyes, to the slight shadows underneath the tell of sleepless nights. "Why would you be jealous?", I ask finally.

He takes a step closer, I rest against the wall behind me, "Because, no matter how I feel, I cannot touch you... at least until initiation is over. Because how I do feel about you is confusing and terrifying and I am now allowed to be anything but fearless".

A shiver runs up my spine as he gently trails his fingers up and down my arms. "Why did you say I wasn't brave today?". My voice is tiny and weak. He could break me without even trying. I was meant to be strong, meant to be bold and brash and reckless when I confronted him, but his eyes have been my undoing.

His eyes close at my question, a blush creeping up onto his cheeks. "I didn't meant it like that... I watched you when you jumped, on that first day. You didn't even think about it. Bravery is something that you have to think about being. But you do these things without thinking, its instinctive for you. You're not brave, you're unwavering, you're reckless, you're... Dauntless".

I kiss him, without thinking, without considering. I kiss him recklessly, my lips smashing into his as he finishes speaking. After a moment of shock, he kisses me back. His lips are soft but insistent, and his arms wrap around me, one settling on the small of my back and pulling me closer to him, the other settling on my cheek. When I pull back, he is grinning. He kisses me a couple more times, gentle pecks on my lips, cheeks and even one on the tip of my nose, which makes me stomach bubble happily.

"Liking someone doesn't make you weak, or cowardly. It makes you brave, it makes you strong" I tell him, resting my hands on his chest. The drunk buzz I had been feeling was almost gone now, replaced by something lighter and happier but just as dizzying. He kisses my forehead.

"Something to consider once initiation is over, maybe".

"Mmm, maybe" I say, as I kiss him again.

* * *

Coming next : Imogen and Skye meet in somewhat secret, Round two of Face Your Fears, and someone gets injured.


	10. Explode

Authors Note: A huge thank you to everyone who read, and even more so to those who reviewed! This chapter was difficult because there was so many things that I wanted to happen at once, with those big BAM, BAM, BAM feelings, you know?  
So basically, it gets a bit intense, and a bit jarring, but it will smooth out and slow down next chapter.

Just keep in mind, that everything I do, I do for a reason. Imogen being Divergent is for a reason. Tara watching the two boys falling down the Chasm was for a reason. Doing different chapter in specific people Point of Views is all for a reason. So, little details are kind of revealing... just uhh.. keep that in mind. Because I've been thinking about where I want to go with this story and how far I want it to go, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to go through the war and out of it... we'll splinter off though, and we'll be changing things, but I'm pretty sure that's where I want to go... yeah.

Thank you, seriously, thank you, for your continued support. You have no idea how amazing it is when you guys give feedback, it literally makes me giddy, and thank you for waiting... I know this took a while.

Disclaimer: I only own Tara, Skye, Robin, Imogen and James. I don't own Divergent, and I'm not making a profit.

* * *

**A fire a fire, you can only take what you can carry**  
**A pulse your pulse, it's the only thing I can remember**  
**I break, you don't, I was always set to self destruct though**  
**The fire the fire, it cracks and barks like primal music.**

**- Snow Patrol, 'If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It'.**

SKYE.

Normally, when Robin leaves in the morning, I'd take this opportunity to sleep in, get some extra shut eye and generally bathe in the glory of extra sleep. But today, I had a mission.

Eric had gossip that I needed to extract from him, using whatever means necessary.

Tara had come back from getting the round of drinks without Eric, but with a very obvious blush and a dreamy smile, so now I had to know what was going down.

So, instead of staying in bed, nursing a mild hangover, I got up, puked, showered, puked again, pulled on some clothes and left my apartment, walked four doors down and banged on Eric's door. When there was no response, I banged again and yelled out "Eric, you slimy little snot, let me in or I'll break in again. That didn't end so well last time, so hurry up".

"Fuck off Skye!". His voice was still thick with sleep, but that didn't deter me.

"What a lovely, eloquent response from you, dearest," I yelled back, as I picked the lock, "I do hope you aren't naked, because I'm coming in, and that shit is gross".

I throw the door open anyway.

He _is_ naked. Oh joy. Luckily, I only cop an eyeful of ass, as he's lying on his stomach, and Eric's ass isn't too bad to look at. He wraps himself up in the blanket, and sits up, blinking at me wearily. "What do you want?" he asks as I move into the kitchen to make coffee for him; you catch more fly's with honey, they say.

"I just came over to see how you were doing, dearest. Is that a crime?" I grin at him sweetly, which he sees right through.

"You're full of shit. What do you want, Skye?". He studies me as I flick the kettle on. He stands up, wrapping the blanket around his waist, and takes over in the kitchen; possibly because he doesn't want his kitchen to burn down. "Tara and I kissed, that's all".

An immensely wide grin settles upon my face and my hands fly up to my cheeks, "Hells fucking yeah, man, finally you're chasing some tail. Was it awesome? I knew she'd be an awesome kisser. You can tell by the way she speaks". He turns around and glares at me as he slides two mugs of coffee onto the dining table and sits, gesturing for me to follow; an unnecessary gesture as I'm already following.

"It's not going to happen again. I shouldn't have allowed myself to get wrapped up in something as stupid as a... a crush. It's pathetic and beneath me. The fact that I've allowed it to go on this far is just ridiculous. I learned this lesson before".

I stare at him for a moment, wide eyed and slightly agape. "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were a human. Because, you know, it's human to experience feelings, you idiot".

His nostrils flared, "watch yourself, Skye. I am a Dauntless leader, remember that", he spat.

I threw my head back and laughed, "Oh fuck off, Eric, you little shit," I grab his face and force him to look at me, "Do not, for one second, think that I am scared of you in the slightest. Do not try to force your superior position as a Dauntless leader into this friendship without remembering what kind of favours you owe me. Now, stop over complicating things and pretending that you're some kind of un-loveable freak, accept the fact that you like Tara, and that Tara likes you, and get over it". Eric was shaking with rage, his eyes a light grey and colder than ice. The air between us is tense with the power struggle.

"I will not be scolded like a child" He hisses, and for a moment, I consider hitting him, like the petulant child he is. But I take in his disheveled hair and the dark shadows underneath his eyes and I sigh, giving in.

"Alright Eric, I just think that you're making things more difficult than they should be. I'm just looking out for you, old friend". He relaxes instantly, sighing too. I study him as he takes a deep drink, and he looks tired. These arguments between Eric and I happen from time to time, and they often make Eric seem older and more weary than usual, leaving me feeling guilty and to blame for it. I reach over, lightly touching the purple shadows under his eyes. He closes his eyes and sags significantly, "I am sorry, dearest, I hate arguing with you".

He hums lightly, "You're one of the few people I can trust, Skye. I sometimes forget that I don't have to keep my guard up around you. I can't trust anyone anymore, Skye... I feel like there's no air around Max". I stand up, moving forward and leaning my forehead against his.

"Tell me what's happened to make you so stressed?". I sit back down and he leans back, exhaling heavily, rubbing his face vigorously.

"Jeanine Matthews, from Erudite, has been coming in a lot lately, talking to Max in private, and Max is preparing for something. Something about a new danger with the divergent population".

My blood runs cold, and I struggle to breathe. So Jeanine plans to involve Dauntless in her divergent purge. The rumours were true. "What's that got to do with Dauntless?", my voice is squeaky, and I cough a bit to try to pass it off.

"I don't know yet, but I think she wants an army, and we're the closest thing to it".

"There's a difference between an army and peacekeepers, which is what we're meant to be, Eric".

"I know... but if they are dangerous, then we're going to have to do something about it, to keep the peace," He sighs, and holds my hand, "But I don't know anything yet, so let's not talk about it".

I nod, getting up, "Look, just think about what I said about Tara. You're overcomplicating things. I have to go see Ro, but if you need me, you know how to find me".

He grins, "Yeah, find Robin, I know," then he sighs, the grin sliding off his face, "Maybe there is something in what you're saying, I'll consider it". I bow my head in thanks, kiss him of the forehead and say goodbye. Once I'm out the door, I sprint down to the Pit, knocking several people on the way. When I get to the Pit, I hurry down the tunnel that leads to the patrol's debrief room, and throw the door open.

"Robin! There's an emergency, we're pulling you out, come with me". The entire room turns around and stares at me, somewhat shocked at my worried expression. Robin stares at me too, not saying a word. She studies me momentarily, and I nod slightly, that's all it takes, and she nods at Colossus, who's leading the meeting, picks up her cap and puts in on backwards, before following me out of the room. We don't say anything as we walk away, she just grabs my hand and holds it as I lead her to the armoury. When we get there, we move to the back, and she sits in a chair while I pace.

"What happened with Eric, babe?". I don't bother asking how she knows I went to see Eric, or that that's what this is about, she just _knows_ these things.

I rub my face with both hands, groaning in frustration, "This whole anti-divergent thing is happening quicker than we thought. The timeline Amar had was too slow, it's already starting".

"We'll need to talk to Natalie, get a plan together. What exactly did Eric say?". How Ro stays so calm will always amaze me, she's always the solid one who keeps it together.

"Nothings' happening yet, but Jeanine is meeting with Max a lot, talking about the dangers of Divergent".

"So it's starting. Okay, that's fine. You'll have to go see Natalie today, calm down,". Robin stands up, and pulls me into a hug. She's in her patrol armour, and some of the buckles dig into me. "Be brave, Skye".

She forgets that I worry about her. That the thing I am scared of most in this world is losing her, and if there is a war, it's highly likely that we'll be separated, at the very least. It's highly likely that she will die.

It's that probability that makes me panic.

Robin goes back to her patrol squad two minutes later, and won't return until just before dinner, so it's up to me to go see Natalie. I change out of my casual clothes, and pull on something like Ro's patrol armour. Black chest plate over a black tank top, soft black jeans, heavy duty steel cap boots and black tactical gloves. I stomp down to the armoury, grab my holster out of my locker and secure it onto my leg.

When I turn around, Imogen and James are staring at me, which makes me jump a bit. "What are you kids doing here?" I ask, grabbing Colossus' sword and sheath and securing it to my back as an afterthought.

"We wanted to come see you, talk about our second round of Face your Fears" Immy tells me, her voice wobbles slightly and I look at her properly for the first time. Her eyes are bloodshot and her nose red from crying. James too looked pale, brow furrowed and lips tightly shut.

"Alright you two, I've got someone I need to see in Abnegation, but you can tag along. But once I get there, you'll do exactly as I say". This is a mistake. A huge mistake.

But I cannot just abandon them, not during this part of initiation.

* * *

Distracting the kids is easy, I just keep them talking about their latest fear, which they are keen to talk about.

The problem is getting them to shut up.

Finding the volunteer centre is difficult, because all the Abnegation building are almost exactly the same, but, luckily for me, there's' this little tree two doors down from Natalie's workplace that I noticed the third time I came to see her, and it's kind of my guide. I usher the door into the building, and tell them to sit and wait on the seats provided. Rebecca, the woman who runs the front and helps everyone get where they need to go, smiles at me and tells me to 'go right through'. Natalie smiles at me when I open the door, as she usually does.

"Skye, I didn't know I was seeing you today" she says, even as she offers me a seat. Typical Abnegation, cannot help but do the right thing. I crash down into the seat, exhausted, cringe when the sword on my back sits funny, readjust in my seat, and then exhale dramatically.

I rub my forehead as I explain, "Wasn't planning to, but I've learned some new information... that you'll need to hear".

* * *

IMOGEN

Sitting in the waiting room with James is almost impossible. James still hasn't unclenched his fists, nor has the colour returned to his face, and Skye is up to something. She's twitchy and nervous and alert, which suits Robin much better than her.

So, under the guise of going to the bathroom, I sneak back to the offices and try to recognise Skye's voice.

Luckily for me, she talks rather loudly, so it's not hard to find her, and as I stand at the door and listen in, everything that happened at Dauntless today is pushed out of my mind.

"They're going to start hunting Divergents soon, Natalie, and when that happens, we need to have a countermeasure, we _need_ to have a plan. You cannot ignore this!".

"And I'm not going to, Skye, but you have to understand that we need confirmation. We cannot just start organizing a rebellion because two leaders of different factions are meeting. These things happen, Skye, and to act so soon would send red flags everywhere. It would let Jeanine know that we know more than she does".

"Not organizing now is going to kill us later on. If you think that I'm going to let them touch Robin, all because you think it's not wise to prepare, then you've got something coming, Natalie".

"Skye, stop, please. Consider this rationally. As soon as we have some concrete evidence, then we'll plan more. We have started the initial plan, you know this. Maybe Amar was wrong, and we'll have to act on our plan sooner than we thought, but it's not going to happen in the next couple of months. We have time, Skye, it's okay".

"I can't lose her, Natalie. Or him, I suppose. He's not a bad person, he's just... misguided".

"I know and I believe you. If you say he can be saved, then he can be saved. And you won't be losing Robin, so stop worrying".

Footsteps got closer to the door, so I scampered away, back to James. I chewed my nails as I sat, and less than a minute later, Skye was telling us it was time to leave.

I wait until we're back on the train before I say anything.

I had planned to ask her what was going on, maybe ask if she was divergent, ask who Natalie was, a lot of things. I had planned the entire way from Natalie's building to the train tracks, and for the first few silent minutes of the train ride.

And for all my planning, what came out was nothing that I had thought of saying.

Instead, like vomit, I just kind of puked up three words.

"Skye," I had started, and then when she'd turned to me, I'd followed it with, "I'm Divergent".

* * *

TARA

I burst out of the door at a run, my entire body shaking. I stumble multiple times, but somehow manage to stay upright and moving. I have no direction, I'm just running, trying to escape the image of the two tiny bodies that had been right in front of me.

Their blood is still on my hands, I can feel it.

I end up at the Chasm, which doesn't surprise me much, and I slide down the wall, curling in on myself and sobbing. I don't care if anyone finds me, I don't care if no one finds me, I don't care if they think I'm weak.

I am too tired, too broken, to care.

I don't know if I'm there for minutes or hours or days, it feels like eternity, and even then, when the hand rests on my shoulder, it is too soon. I still have tears left to cry.

Whoever it is doesn't try to shake me out of it, doesn't try to pull me away, they just move into a sitting position next to me and leave their hand on my knee.

I keep crying, moving in and out of hysterics like a child, until I finally run out of tears. I move into a sitting position, staring at Robin as she pulls her hand back.

She doesn't look at me as she starts talking, "You know, I had this exact same reaction, once, during my initiation. People don't realize what it's like, to be the oldest sibling. Without even realizing it, your parents just kind of expect you to grow up a lot quicker and become 'the older sister' without complaining, or faltering. They don't realize that, even though it's amazing, it's scary as hell," she cracks her knuckles, rolls her neck around, sighs and rubs her eyes, "few things scare me more than losing Mack and Macy, not only because I love them with everything that I am, but because I'm meant to protect them, and if I fail, I'll have failed at the most meaningful thing in my entire life. So I don't blame you for being horrified at the sight of your siblings dying, or dead, or whatever you saw, and anyone who does, is an idiot".

She stands up, and pulls me up gently, steadying me easily. "Come on, I'll walk you back to the dining hall, hopefully we'll catch up with Skye, and she can cheer you up".

We stop dead when we see Lauren and James running towards us. James skids to a halt in front of us, and there's blood splattered on his shirt, and he has a black eye. "It's Imogen, and Skye, we got attacked by factionless, they're in the infirmary".

* * *

Coming next : Robin loses her shit, we finally get to see a certain pairing kiss -not Eric and Tara, and Eric and Tara have a one-sided serious conversation.


End file.
